IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Education in prison is the best way to reduce crime as prisoners will be able to get job after leaving the prison. Do you agree or disagree

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The importance of educating offenders in jail fosters minimising criminal activities and helps individuals pursue professional careers in the job markets, which was always been debatable and now has become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on the positive effect of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind the right-to-education policy in prisons facilitates career development opportunities.
this
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 phenomenon stimulates the curiosity of learning, encouraging offenders to explore decent ways of earning.
As a result
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, individuals gain confidence and lead respectful lives within the community. Another striking benefit in
this
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 regard is that authority should provide vocational education in detention centres including, carpentry, plumbing and electrical works, enhancing education in in-demand occupations to enable critical thinking and provide contributions to trade unions and actively participate in the workforce. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that the uplifting talent of female offenders can not be ignored, serving knowledge about art forms can boost brain capacity and improve peace of mind, artistic skills
such
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 as crafting, painting and portraits can develop material making skills and reduces mental health challenges of depression and anxiety. Ultimately,
this
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 exercise eliminates the criminal mindset. To recapitulation,
according to
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 the arguments and aforementioned. One reaches the conclusion that the benefits of educating prisoners reduce crimes and these phenomena are indeed too great.

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task achievement
Although you present a clear stance in your introduction and conclusion, further clarity can be achieved by directly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement in simpler terms. Avoid overly complex sentence structures that might obscure your main point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your paragraphs are clearly linked. Although the logical progression is good, use more cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively and make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
While you adequately address the prompt, try to include more in-depth and precise examples to illustrate your points. This will help reinforce your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and organized structure, making it easy to follow your argument from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively mention several key benefits of educating prisoners, such as career development and mental health improvement, highlighting your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a comprehensive overview of the topic and sets up the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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