Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There's no doubt that a person's appearance affects how

others

Use synonyms

think about you and the way they view themselves. Nowadays, a huge amount of money is spent on a person's look including clothes, hairstyle and a lot more. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss

should

Correct word choice

whether should

show examples

people

Use synonyms

worry about their physical images and the effect it has on them. To commence with, recently,

people

Use synonyms

treat

others

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based on what they wear, which brand or designer. They even categorise your social class based on that.

As a result

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

can buy something they don't need or can even afford in order to feel that they are fit among

others

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

change how they look, they can change their haircut or colour,

although

Linking Words

those changes might not match their personality. Definitely, it doesn't matter how

others

Use synonyms

think about you as long as you are confident.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should focus more on what they have, they should embrace themselves, rather than listen to negative comments. Thinking of

Use synonyms

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

feedback can put a huge burden on personal emotions. One can spend a lot of money on a piece of cloth or jewellery in favour of other basic life needs.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it can lead to serious mental health issues,

such

Linking Words

as anxiety or even worse

Change preposition

apply

show examples

depression.

For example

Linking Words

, someone can stop eating

as a consequence

Linking Words

of someone saying "You're fat".

Others

Use synonyms

can even make themselves vomit intentionally if they think that they ate too much. Those are two medical conditions known as Anorexia nervosa and Anorexia bulimia, respectively. To encapsulate, society should not listen to harsh comments. They should cherish what they

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

already. The community must respect

different

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

images and provide support for those who really need to change.

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Task Response

Try to more closely align your essay with the task by discussing both views mentioned in the prompt before presenting your own opinion. This will improve your task response score.

Coherence

To improve coherence, ensure your essay flows logically from one idea to the next. Use transition words and phrases more effectively to link sentences and paragraphs.

Cohesion

For better cohesion, work on tying your main ideas back to the thesis statement and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it easier to follow.

General

Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to elevate your language proficiency. This will not only make your argument more persuasive but also more engaging to read.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, students sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children shoul be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adultsz. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In the letter: give contact details for when you are away, give instructions about how to care for your pet describe other household duties.