Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both vews and give your own opinion.
There is a belief that the success of individuals always needs studious and ambitious qualities.
However
, some inhabitants take the view that the external outlook and fortune availability should be more considerable. This
writer will have a debate about this
phenomenon and will include a straightforward perspective in the latter.
It is vital to understand that determination has always been known as a key to success. From our ancestors’ generation to the modern world that we are living in now, people never stop putting effort into work to achieve their own goals. Without hard work, our society would not become prosperous and human beings would not stand at the leading position in our natural habitats as today. Take Bill Gates as a prime example, although
he already gained incredible achievements in his twenties, Gates never became lazy but he always worked hard, which turned him into the most renowned billionaire in the world.
However
, fame and fortune are also
essential parts of creating triumph in individuals’ lives. Since beauty is increasingly overestimated in the digital age, citizens who have good-looking appearances can benefit from gaining more opportunities to make a profit. Career employing including models, singers, or idols today make a favour in beautiful outlook, rather than available talents or determination. Another factor that creates inequality in human’s chance of thrift is the money that comes from families. People who were born into wealthy families do not need to concerned
about financial hardships, Add a missing verb
be concerned
instead
, they just need to concerned
about developing Add a missing verb
be concerned
skills
and qualities needed. Correct article usage
the skills
Hence
, they would become successful in a shorter time compared to those who are in poor backgrounds.
In conclusion, although
hard work is a vital factor, it is not the only way to achieve success, especially in the modern world, where beauty and high-living
conditions are regarded more essential than ever. Correct your spelling
high living
This
writer has demonstrated that opportunities to gain achievements come from both ways, but fame and fortune nowadays are gradually taking larger accounts than a determinate mindset.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. While your essay discusses both views and gives your opinion, make your point of view even clearer by directly stating it in both the introduction and the conclusion for greater impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you've structured your essay well with a clear logical flow. To enhance it further, try varying your linking words more and ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transits into the next. This can be done by referencing ideas from the previous paragraph at the start of the new one.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, incorporating more specific examples to illustrate your points could make your arguments more compelling. While you mention Bill Gates, including additional instances or statistics related to how beauty and wealth impact success, especially in professions not traditionally associated with these traits, could strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.