IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

"These days people succeed in their chosen profession because they are good communicators and not just experts in a particular field". Discuss the reasons and why this is the case. Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #profession #communicators #experts #field #case
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In The modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 there is more than just being good in a specific field of
work
. Many employers wish to have
people
 in their team who cannot only properly do a specific job but can
also
 easily get
along with
 others.
This
 stems from a desire to create a positive
work
 environment and the possibility that an outgoing person might one day come in handy. In the XXI
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
 there have been a lot of discussions about mental health and its significant impact on one’s performance at
work
.
This
 has led to
people
 prioritizing to
work
 with others who can brighten the mood in the office
as well as
 keep a conversation going. An example could be a trading firm. Most of the actual
work
 is done on a computer but teamwork is equally important to come up with new ideas and to not feel isolated.
Thus
, the
work
 industry takes into consideration one’s skills in multiple areas. Another reason why gregarious
people
 are appreciated in many fields of
work
 is that there always exists a possibility of a task requiring human interaction.
For instance
, at times even accountants need to present their ideas in front of the client and the ability to properly express one’s ideas is essential.
Thus
 it is advisable to hire someone who can communicate well with
people
 in a working environment
as well as
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their job properly. All in all, there is an abundance of reasons why a sociable worker is valued in most professions.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples should be detailed and directly related to the point you are discussing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is thoroughly developed with relevant details.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion effectively.
task achievement
You provide a complete response that considers multiple aspects of the prompt. This shows good task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cohesive team
  • Client relationships
  • Trust and satisfaction
  • Clear instructions
  • Reduced misunderstandings
  • Competitive job market
  • Stand out
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Leadership roles
  • Convey visions
  • Motivate teams
What to do next:
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