IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued whether or not only medical care and education should be invested by the government
instead
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 of theatres and sports stadiums. From my prospect, I partially agree with the thought.
To begin
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 with, a fair portion of the crowds reckon that nowadays the institutions and public health outweigh the places of entertainment either the cinema or sports stadiums
as a result
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 of the developments or diseases which should be prohibited.
For instance
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, COVID-19 spread throughout the world in recent years, many countries bought the vaccines from several organizations and provided them to the citizens,
however
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, some are not able to import any vaccines
thus
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 the folks who were living there did not receive the treatment and a number of death were appearing. To illustrate
further
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,
it is clear that
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 education is very crucial in one's life, those graduate can reap lots of income per year, and
besides
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 that, their knowledge can develop the country.
In contrast
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, undeniably, individuals usually go to some places,
such
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 as theatres and theme parks, in order to boost their happiness during the holidays,
furthermore
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, the government can earn income from these.
For example
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, the cinema often launches many sorts of movies which can stimulate people to spend their money,
that is
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, economic trouble, and deflation, will not turn up. On top of that, the benefits are passed onto not only the administrative department that earns the income and spends it on the developments but
also
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 the folks who are happy. In conclusion, I reckon that every sector ought to be spent money on understandably depending on the importance and the following public benefits,
nevertheless
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, if I could arrange the budget, I would foresee the importance of education more than any other sector as a student.

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task response
For task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt with a clear stance. Expand on your points with more specific, detailed examples and explanations to fully support your opinion. Additionally, make sure each paragraph contains a single, clear idea that directly supports your stance.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to another. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect thoughts and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of your argument and that this is clear from its opening sentence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government expenditure
  • public health
  • medical facilities
  • access to healthcare
  • education system
  • quality education
  • human capital
  • economic growth
  • luxury
  • cultural development
  • social development
  • tourism
  • local economy
  • well-rounded society
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