IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearances. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearances
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It is argued that two personalities are hard-working and determined play a vital role in
successful
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a successful
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 life,
whereas
 a number of
people
 believe that alternative factors
such
 as outlook and finance are
also
 a primary foundation.
This
 writer will analyze both sides of the argument and
showthe
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show the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why I agree with the importance of diligence and
efforts
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effort
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. It must be
understoodthat
Correct your spelling
understood that
 industrious and determined
peopleare
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people are
 effortless to
getbetter
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get better
 life. It should be
acknowledgedthat
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acknowledged that
 making attempts and keeping word
hardlead
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hard lead
 to recolonization of nearby
people
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
people
 with these characteristics may accomplish the smallest things that lay a foundation for a number of vital
work
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works
show examples
. Take
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 environment as an interesting instance, students who are industrious and determined tend to get better educational achievements than others.
That is
 the reason why I believe that diligence and determination are essential factors that have
beneficial
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a beneficial
show examples
 impact on
future
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a future
show examples
 career. On the alternative hand, it
Correct your spelling
must be
mustbe
Correct your spelling
must be
 recognized that outlook and fortune are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 keys to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 successful. It should be noted that if
people
 have both money and
good-looking
Correct article usage
a good-looking
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 face, they will have a tendency to get on well with others
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
fosters
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foster
show examples
 relationships between them. Eventually, it is not complicated for
people
 to get permanent and high-paid
job
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jobs
show examples
.
However
,
people
 who are wealthy and good-looking without dedication and diligence tend to be easy to get failure.
For example
, the rich have a propensity
that do
Verb problem
apply
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not
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
 hard and dedicate during their life.
Hence
,
although
 they have an advantageous beginning
on the contrary
 they lose it immediately Taking everything into account,
although
 appearance and financial position have a great impact on achievement, hard work and determination are the most dominant factors in the way of success.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph clearly addresses a single viewpoint or argument. Try to separate ideas more cleanly to aid the reader's understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to immediately clarify the main idea of that paragraph, enhancing coherence.
Lexical Resource
Your essay would benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and engagingly.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your arguments further by including more specific examples and explanations. This will strengthen your task achievement by making your position and reasoning clearer to the reader.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. There are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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