The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.
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The given three pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
information concerning the Australian
students
Use synonyms
who left
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
instantly after leaving their secondary school
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the years
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980, 1990, and 2000. Looking at the
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it is readily apparent that most
students
Use synonyms
who left their school were working or some
students
Use synonyms
undergone
Add a missing verb
had undergone
show examples
further
Linking Words
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
. A cursory glance at the data reveals that the
further
Linking Words
education
rate
Use synonyms
was 50%, making it the highest in the data
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
decreased from 50%
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
37% in the year 2000. During
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
deacade
Correct your spelling
decade
(from 1990 and 2000)
these
Change the determiner
this rate
these rates
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
was a little bit change and
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
figures were 38%, and 37%, respectively. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, another eye-catching trend is that
students
Use synonyms
who were employed proportion steadily increased. In 1980, the
rate
Use synonyms
started at 40% in 1980, considerably grew up
50
Change preposition
to 50
show examples
% in 1990, and
further
Linking Words
rose to 55% in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, a more detailed look at the chart indicates that
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
proportion
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
a little bit
changed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started at 10% in 1980, rose to 12%, and declined again to 8%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, rate with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary education
  • vocational training institutions
  • competitive job market
  • skilled professionals
  • workforce
  • practical work experience
  • employment opportunities
  • gap year
  • volunteer work
  • personal development
  • formal education
  • online courses
  • part-time studies
  • continuous learning
  • unemployment
  • career guidance
  • support services
  • informed decisions
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