Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, global lifestyles are diverse from the prior
time
. For instance
, a large group of people
like to spend a great deal of time
for themselves; then
when they become older, they will get married and have children
. While
this
evidence has a lot of drawbacks, I still believe that it cannot overshadow the benefits.
Communities have several reasons for having the first child when they are adults. Initially
, most young people
do not have much money to buy elementary things that they need; as a result
, they have to find a job; then
after a long time
they have access to good lives which can buy a range of things that they need. The second one is that young generations like to find partners who are rich, so they should spend too much Add a comma
time,
time
on it.
On the one hand, old populations who have a first child have a majority of merits. Firstly
, these kinds of children
have families who have so much money that can fund their children
. In other words
, they can buy a lot of gadgets which help children
to learn a range of things to become a beneficial person for countries. Secondly
, these parents have good experience that can be transferred to their children
to not waste their time
on them.
On the other hand
, the demerits of having a first child for the elderly are so varied. On the one side, these kinds of children
most of the time
are only children
; hence
, they are not able to connect with other people
really soon. On the other side, when they become teenagers, they ought to take care of their old mother and father; in fact, they do not have a lot of free time
.
To conclude
, when people
become older they have not only a large amount of money but also
good experiences that can aid their children
to have perfect lives; therefore
, in my opinion, the good points of an old population with young children
can eclipse the bad points.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further to make your argument more convincing. For instance, instead of just stating that older parents have more money, provide specific examples or explanations of how this benefits the child's upbringing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within the paragraph support this main idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to use transition words and phrases more effectively to link your ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear overview of your argument and summarizing your points effectively.
complete response
Your essay addresses both parts of the task, providing reasons why people choose to have children at an older age and discussing the advantages and disadvantages.
supported main points
You present valid points to support both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view and considering different perspectives.