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Band 6.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
Nowadays, some
people
 may move to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different kinds of places
due to
 health issues.Myriads of
people
 assume that having a healthy lifestyle is easier in outer
areas
such
 as villages,
while
 others argue that living in urban
areas
 is more beneficial for health. On the one hand,
people
 who live in the countryside may have a different lifestyle than others. 
Firstly
, these
people
 prefer to get up earlier
to begin
 their work and boost their productivity. In
this
 way, these individuals may have a chance to recharge their levels of energy even though they can become active during the day.
Furthermore
, humans who reside in the outer
areas
 desire to avoid technological devices since their lifestyle may change into ineffectiveness.
According to
 some information,
people
 in rural
areas
 cannot become exhausted every single hour if they get up earlier and start every assignment or work.
On the other hand
, others believe that a healthy life belongs to
people
 who live in cities.
In other words
, humans who live in cities may have the opportunity to go to the gym and do various sports activities. Through these activities,
people
 can keep fit and prevent different kinds of diseases.
In addition
, individuals may frequently organize different kinds of parties with their relatives and friends, which can cause them to feel better since everyone desires to de-stress when they are out of steam.  In conclusion, based on the main concepts of both sides discussed above, I ponder that both zones play a vital role in maintaining healthy
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task achievement
Complete your conclusion to clearly state your stance on the topic, helping to fully respond to the task given.
coherence & cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices (linking words and phrases) to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence & cohesion
Consider developing each main point with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument further.
coherence & cohesion
Try to ensure that every paragraph is fully developed and concluded, to improve the overall structure and impact of your essay.
coherence & cohesion
You clearly introduced both views on the topic, setting a good foundation for discussion.
coherence & cohesion
Good use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the subject with clear, comprehensive ideas presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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