IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with other types of help rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #aid
It is believed that wealthy
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 should provide more effective and efficient support
by
Change preposition
apply
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not just with money. I strongly disagree with
this
 argument. On the one hand, financial aid can help poor
countries
 to construct many infrastructures, like hospitals, schools, caring
centers
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centres
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 and so on, which are basic things to complete if one country wants to boost
it
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its
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 economy. In order to erect these buildings, the government need to have
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 cash flow. Take Nigeria
for example
, because there
is
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are
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 not sufficient educational establishments for the citizens, people have no choice but to be menial labourers, and their nation can't collect taxes to develop,
furthermore
, it has become a negative circulation.
Therefore
, financial
aids
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aid
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are so
Verb problem
is
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 imperative for those poorer
countries
. There is a good reason for rich
countries
 to help developing
countries
. We know that the nations in Europe are facing crucial problems
about
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with
show examples
 refugees from Africa. Why
these
Add a missing verb
do these
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 people want to escape from their
countries
 to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 thoroughly unfamiliar ones
for
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, even
it
Correct your spelling
if
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is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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high
Correct article usage
a high
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 rate
to lose
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of losing
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 their lives? Because their lives are under
threatening
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threat
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, some are
wars
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in wars
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, others are
extreme
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in extreme
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 poverty, the others are
food
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in food
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shortage
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shortages
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. It is reported that almost
each
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every
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 country in Africa has enormous owing bills, and citizens are mad at their governments,
as a result
, some officers
are try
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are trying
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 to shift
goal posts
Correct your spelling
goalposts
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 through wars, which
make
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makes
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 their folks can't stay in the same place anymore. We can notice that
core
Correct article usage
the core
show examples
 problem is money. If poorer
countries
 can turn into developed
countries
, I think wealthy
countries
 do not always fight
for
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apply
show examples
the
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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whether
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of whether
show examples
 they need to accept these refugees. In conclusion, I personally approve that rich
countries
 should assist poorer
countries
 to improve their economy by offering money, and there are
also
 some benefits for themselves.
Submitted by Joanna on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your lexicon and sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger essay, incorporate opposing viewpoints and address them. This demonstrates critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Response
You have articulated your position clearly from the beginning and maintained it throughout the essay.
Task Response
Your examples, particularly the one about Nigeria, are relevant and effectively illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical sequence of your paragraphs and the seamless flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next demonstrate strong coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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