IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development. However, others believe that these are leading to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Cultural and business interaction among
nations
Use synonyms
 is one of the ways to foster
development
Use synonyms
. There are some who feel
this
Linking Words
 is true,
while
Linking Words
 critics think
this
Linking Words
 could cause the loss of national identities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will expatiate on both schools of thought, and discuss why I align with national interactions as a means of growth. The main advantage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 is that it allows
sharing
Correct article usage
the sharing
show examples
 of resources.
This
Linking Words
 is because some
nations
Use synonyms
 are more resourceful in certain elements;
hence
Linking Words
, in terms of business and
traditions
Add a comma
traditions,
show examples
 both parties involved can help each other.
In addition
Linking Words
, it reduces misinformation. Allowing other citizens to participate in cultural events could increase its awareness around the globe.
As a result
Linking Words
, people will be able to understand why certain nationals act the way they do.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Israel, guests are allowed to participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Jewish religious events,
consequently
Linking Words
, there is a rise in people who know about certain hairstyles worn by the Levites.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, critics believe that
due to
Linking Words
 two
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
 there can be loss of national identities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can lead to the extinction of traditions.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the constant exchange of practices when people meet.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past, a lot of Nigerians wore their native attire to work; currently,
this
Linking Words
 has been replaced with the Western
clothings
Change the wording
clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 can lead to the exploitation of underdeveloped
nations
Use synonyms
. If proper measures are not taken, richer countries can intimidate others into agreements that would yield no significant profit to the poorer
nations
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I think both sides of the debate have reasonable points. On balance, I believe the interaction of countries in terms of business and culture is good for
development
Use synonyms
 as I feel the sharing of resources and an increase in global knowledge overrides the potential risk of exploitation and extinction of customs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Enhance the logical flow within paragraphs by ensuring that each sentence naturally follows from the previous one. This will improve the overall coherence of your arguments.
task response
Incorporate more specific examples to further illustrate your points, particularly those related to cultural or business impacts. This will bolster the relevance and specificity of your response.
coherence
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which clearly outline the issue and provide a balanced opinion.
task response
The essay covers both perspectives of the argument effectively, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • economic growth
  • living standards
  • cultural understanding
  • homogenization
  • national identities
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • balancing
  • embrace
  • opportunities
  • respecting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: