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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museum charge for admission while many others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

#museum #charge #admission #people
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The chart illustrates the annual salaries (in thousands of US dollars) of
doctors
 compared to other
professions
 across seven different countries in the year 2004.
Overall
, it is apparent from the chart that
doctors
 consistently earned higher wages than those in other
professions
.
In particular
, the United States topped the list with the highest
overall
 salaries. American
doctors
 earned an impressive $120,000 annually, which was significantly higher than their Finnish counterparts who received around $70,000.
Moreover
, the pay for other
professions
 in the US was reported at $40,000, nearly double that of the same category in Finland, where the average salary was approximately $50,000. In Germany, the Czech Republic, and Italy, the salary figures for
doctors
 were quite similar, with each reporting around $60,000 per year.
Conversely
, the pay for other
professions
 in these countries was markedly lower, standing uniformly at $20,000.
This
 amount was the minimum observed in the dataset and precisely half of that
reported
Add a missing verb
was reported
show examples
 in Switzerland.
Submitted by luoyinjian2 on

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General
Your essay does an excellent job at explaining the data from the chart, ensuring clarity and precision in presenting facts.
Sentence Variation
Consider varying sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged more effectively. Increasing the use of complex and compound sentences can add depth to your analysis.
Analysis
Including a brief discussion on the implications or reasons behind the data could enrich your essay. Providing analysis or speculation about why doctors earn more in some countries compared to others or the impact of these salary differences could offer more depth.
Understanding & Analysis
You have effectively summarized and analyzed the given data, demonstrating a clear understanding of the chart. This is crucial for a high-scoring essay.
Flow & Structure
The logical flow of your essay from the introduction through to the conclusion is commendable. Your coherent presentation assists in conveying your points effectively.
Use of Examples
Detailed and specific examples are used to support your points, making your argument stronger and more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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