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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that students should be required to wear uniforms in school, while others argue that uniforms restrict individuality and self-expression. What is your opinion?

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Some people argue that school
uniforms
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 should be mandatory for
students
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whereas
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, others say that it limits their ability to express themselves and restricts their self-confidence. I believe that
while
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uniforms
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 promote a sense of equality and team spirit, it is important to consider aspects like ensuring
students
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 have bodily autonomy to flourish in their future endeavours since
this
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 may impact their personal and professional development adversely.
Firstly
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,
Uniforms
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 play a key role in promoting school unity and ensuring that financial conditions do not play a role in how
students
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 are treated in their various social circles.
This
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 prevents feelings of disharmony as fiscal disparities become more apparent when there is no strict uniform code to adhere to. In certain countries like India where most secondary
students
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 go to private schools, not only does a dress code become part of institutional pride but,
also
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 ensures that an inclusive environment is provided to all pupils.
On the other hand
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, in countries with more advanced public schooling, a uniform performs as an element of commonality within diverse student bodies.
However
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, it is
also
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 essential that school-going teens have the agency to express themselves freely. Various studies over the years have shown that when
students
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 are provided with a nurturing safe space that celebrates their uniqueness and creativity, they tend to lead much more fulfilled academic and personal lives. Certain aspects of a dress code can be intrusive and controlling,
for instance
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, restrictions on hairstyles and skirt length can be assumed to be moral policing. Policies should be put in place to make sure that the personal and religious beliefs of the administration or teachers do not infringe on the
students
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' right to individualism. In conclusion, it is imperative to define clearer boundaries about dress codes and freedom of artistic expression which is important for a child's growth. If schools are to fulfil their purpose of being a safe space for their
students
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, we need to ensure that their creativity is not suppressed.
Although
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 I agree that
uniforms
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 have significant benefits,
such
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 as promoting equality and unity, the right of
students
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 to express their individuality and creativity takes precedence and is crucial for their personal development and should not be overlooked.

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coherence cohesion
In your essay, it is important to maintain a clear and concise argument throughout. While your ideas are well-structured, try to avoid repetitive phrases and ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. This will enhance the overall readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, provide more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments. This can help solidify your stance and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This enhances the readability and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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