scientits and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? to what extent do you agree?

#scientits #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists

A debate surrounding whether

scientists

and

technology

experts should be prioritized over musicians and

artists

has become a topic for years.

While

it is true that science and

technology

bring a lot of positive influences on the whole society,

there

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

is undeniable that

people

whose jobs are related to arts play an important role in personal mental health and spiritual development. Admittedly, I can understand why some

people

support that

scientists

and

technology

experts should be respected by the public because our human beings indeed gain many benefits from the advancement of science and

technology

For example

, the Internet bridges the gap between

people

from different regions.

This

could have a domino effect which increases the communication between various countries and cultures,

thus

eventually stimulating economic development and cultural exchange.

Furthermore

, the innovative breakthroughs that

scientists

invented have saved

people

's lives.

For example

, the creation of covid-19 vaccine has been a successful achievement in halting the spread of the virus.

However

, I still firmly hold the opinion that musicians and

artists

should

also

be valued.

People

live in a fast-paced life, which means they would face a number of hurdles and pressures. Those artistic masterpieces could help them release their burden and feel relaxed, which is beneficial for their mental well-being. More importantly, different

artists

possess unique characteristics that not only reflect their individual creativity but

also

serve as embodiments of diverse cultures and traditions. By appreciating their products, it could offer opportunities for

people

to have a better understanding of their origins,

thus

enhancing their cultural identity and heritage. In conclusion,

scientists

and

technology

experts deserve our society to respect them

due to

their great contributions.

However

, those invisible contributions which are created by musicians and

artists

should

also

be underscored.

Submitted by liuqiyuan0827 on Sat Mar 30 2024

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task achievement

To improve the clarity of your argument, consider directly stating your stance in the introduction. This will make your position clear from the beginning.

coherence and cohesion

Try to introduce a wider range of connective words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more cohesive.

language proficiency

Incorporate a more diverse vocabulary to express your ideas. This will not only enrich your essay but also demonstrate your language proficiency.

task achievement

You've effectively used examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

You've presented a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of both sides before expressing your own viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Societal value
Economic contribution
Cultural enrichment
Technological advancements
Emotional resonance
STEM education
Innovation
Job security
Cultural identity
Intellectual enrichment
Media portrayal
Financial rewards
Tech moguls
Survival
Advancement

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scientits and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists? to what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

SMore and more transitional companies are setting up their business operations in economically developing nations. In this essay, I will discuss about some benefits and drawbacks of the inhabitants who live in those countries.

Some people believ that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.