IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

in some countries university students live at home with their families, whereas in other countries, students should attend university in another city . Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that studying at universities plays a crucial role in our lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
students
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 will gain more benefits if they live away from
home
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 during their university studies, there is
also
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 an argument that they may be exposed to some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 matter, and express my opinion. On one hand, when
students
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 leave their
home
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 to study in another city, particularly after finishing their secondary school, there is a probability of exposure to some issues.
In other words
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, they may suffer financially because their expenses will increase, as they have to pay monthly rent for their new
home
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.
In addition
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, they will be away from the direct pieces of advice and monitoring from their parents, so they make a lot of mistakes.
Moreover
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, they may go astray, especially if their new friends are notorious.
For example
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, some
students
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 may not complete their studies and go through the wrong ways.
On the other hand
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, many benefits are accomplished when they study abroad or away from their
home
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 cities. It is
also
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 possible to say that they gain more positive criteria,
such
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 as their self-confidence rises, which enables them to challenge any obstacles that they may face in their future career.
Furthermore
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, they can recognize new cultures and customs
as a result
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 of dealing with new colleagues from various societies,
therefore
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 their communication skills become much better.
For instance
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,
students
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 who studied away from their homes achieved great success in their lives like Dr. Ahmed Zwel. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that
students
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 will obtain many positive impacts,
as a result
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 of studying away from their homes and surely, these positive effects are higher than all the disadvantages.

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structure
You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helped in presenting your arguments coherently.
examples
Try including more concrete examples and data to support your points. While the example of Dr. Ahmed Zwel is good, additional examples could further strengthen your argument.
transition
Ensure a smooth and logical transition between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can enhance the flow of your essay, making your arguments more cohesive.
conclusion
While you've done a good job of addressing the task, refining your conclusion with a stronger emphasis on your personal stance could offer a more solid end to your essay. Restate your main argument more forcefully to leave a lasting impression.
balance
Presented both sides of the argument effectively, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
use of examples
Successfully used an example to illustrate a point, adding credibility to your argument.
argument consistency
Maintained a clear position throughout the essay, contributing to a consistent and persuasive argument.
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