IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #punishment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A group of individuals present the idea that there should be a certain
punishment
 for any type of
crime
,
while
 others believe that the circumstances of the
criminals
 and the motive for committing the
crime
 should be considered in deciding on the
punishment
. I completely agree with the former opinion and my reasons for the same will be presented in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
 justifiably argue that unintentional crimes can pose a threat to the safety of
society
. Once a criminal escapes
punishment
Add a comma
punishment,
show examples
 he may be encouraged to commit more crimes.
As a result
, the citizens of the
society
 are not able to live their lives peacefully. The situation is complicated by the fact that
people
 find it difficult to
recognize
Verb problem
distinguish
show examples
criminals
 from normal persons in the city.
As a result
, the sense of trust can be seriously damaged and
this
 causes major problems for city residents.
In other words
,
people
 fail to attend social activities, go to their workplaces or even go on holidays.
Therefore
, a large section of the community will suffer the
consquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of not punishing the
criminals
.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 claim that the influencing environmental factors and incentives of
criminals
 to commit crimes should always be taken into consideration before deciding on their
punishment
. They emphasize that financial issues, family problems etc. are the reasons leading to
crime
.
However
,
this
 argument does not convince me because
criminals
 are responsible for their violent acts. They should be discouraged from committing any kind of
crime
 so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 remains safe.
Finally
, in my view,
punishment
 can act as a deterrent and prevent the spread of violence in the community.
Moreover
, fair punishments make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 safer.
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Be sure to explore both views equally before presenting your opinion. The essay leans heavily towards one viewpoint, potentially affecting balance.
Task Response
Develop each main point with specific examples or further explanation. The essay could benefit from more detailed examples to support its arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence.
Task Response
Clearly states an opinion in the introduction, creating a strong thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
What to do next:
Look at other essays: