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Writing Samples
Band 9

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree? Angsa

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Introduction
It is argued that untouched lands must be investigated because of the increasing necessity for energy sources worldwide.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement. I believe that exploring new areas in order to gain access to oil and gas can have detrimental impacts on the environment and cause more dependency on fossil fuels.
Body · 1
Exploring new territories for fossil-gaining purposes can worsen significantly the biodiversity of the Earth. Aspiring to acquire temporary power resources, a vast landscape must be destroyed, chopping down the hectares of wood and releasing hazardous gas emissions into the atmosphere.
Furthermore
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, it may cause other catastrophic issues
such
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 as Global warming, by depriving remaining trees on the Earth and increasing air pollution.
For example
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, provided statistics by Nazarbayev University exploiting lands excessively between 1970 and 1996, Kazakhstan's climate worsened by 35% by degrading air quality and causing the extinction of local species of fauna and flora.
Body · 2
Having exploited fossil fuels from undeveloped areas, citizens can grow their dependency by trying to accomplish urgent necessities. Not only does the exploration of new lands make people eager to consume increasingly year by year, but it
also
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 may lead to a neglectful approach to the environment.
Instead
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 of inventing and implementing eco-friendly sustainable energy, humans generally rush to find a temporary salvation.
For instance
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, a study conducted by the World Nature Conservancy proves that the opening of new gas and oil fields is gaining a tendency, with an increasing figure at about 9% each year, and causing the neglection to the invention of alternative power sources.
Conclusion
In conclusion, though the demand for traditional energy resources is growing, it mustn't be the reason to exploit undeveloped areas, as
this
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 can become a root of disaster to the nature and reliance of humanity only on these sources.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strong overall argument with logical progression from problem to solution.
Task Achievement
Clear and well-developed central thesis that is consistently addressed throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples and statistics make arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • oil and gas
  • undiscovered areas
  • exploration
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • economic growth
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • technological advancements
  • sustainable extraction
  • conservation efforts
  • energy security
  • fossil fuels
  • resource management
  • geopolitical implications
  • energy transition
  • resource depletion
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