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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

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The given line graph illustrates how many shopping centres are not working anymore and how many of them are still open to the public in a specific area in the period of time from the
year
Use synonyms
 2011 until 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the data had a plateau and did not remain the same, as most of the
shops
Use synonyms
 were open in 2011,
however
Linking Words
, by the end of 2018, they were mostly closed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, almost 9000
shops
Use synonyms
 were open and provided service for customers,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number significantly dropped and reached 4000 in the next
year
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it rose by 2000, as 6000
shops
Use synonyms
 were open until 2014.
Then
Linking Words
, the number went back to its previous data with only 4000 to be opened until 2017 and
finally
Linking Words
 stopped by the number of 3000 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. Closures,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, were for 6500
shops
Use synonyms
 but increased and reached 7000 after two years
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
. The data,
although
Linking Words
, has experienced a dramatically downward trend, as less than 1000 places were closed by the
year
Use synonyms
 2015.
However
Linking Words
, in 2018, 5000 of all were eventually closed.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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