IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people spend a lot of money celebrating personal family events, such as weddings and birthdays. How important is it to celebrate such events? Do you think people spend too much money on these events?

#people #money #events #weddings #birthdays
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent days, a lot of people are spending a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on celebrating personal family
events
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, New Year celebrations, birthdays, weddings and so on. First of all, celebrating these
events
Use synonyms
 is necessary which is helpful when we are getting older and older.
For example
Linking Words
, the
day
Use synonyms
 we celebrate a birthday or some other event, they start to understand the kindness or happiness which is helpful for future family or friends or during work. When we celebrate the
events
Use synonyms
 everyone gets happy or proud of them
also
Linking Words
 we celebrate everyone laughs and communicates for most of the
day
Use synonyms
 during the celebration.
This
Linking Words
 is very good for improving our communication skills as we get older
such
Linking Words
 as when they are doing jobs or talking with their family and so on.
This
Linking Words
 makes feel everyone in a good mood. Celebrating makes us inspired when we keep working for long hours and becoming tired for most of the
day
Use synonyms
. Second of all, family are spending
money
Use synonyms
 on these
events
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as weddings
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, most
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
 think that they want to celebrate bigger and more gauges so that it will be fun for the friends who came to celebrate and
also
Linking Words
 it will be a durable
day
Use synonyms
 for them too but spending much
money
Use synonyms
 to these celebrations make them to wasting
money
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as foods some people do not eat a lot so they waste their food
also
Linking Words
 they waste some stuff to make the place to celebrate gauges
this
Linking Words
 stuff
also
Linking Words
 get waste that family spend
money
Use synonyms
 for these
events
Use synonyms
 they have to clean their house for so long to make the house looks normal.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is very important to celebrate personal
events
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as birthdays but they should not spend too much
money
Use synonyms
 on these
events
Use synonyms
 even if it is very important.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
Language & Style
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language skills.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your paragraphs clearly with one main idea per paragraph, supported by examples or explanations. This helps in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Conclusion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your viewpoint. This provides a satisfying closure to your argument.
Content
You have effectively touched upon both sides of the argument, acknowledging the importance of celebrations as well as concerns over excessive spending.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Examples
You provided some examples to support your arguments, which is great for illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: