IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that movies should only be for entertainment. Others think that they should also have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #movies #entertainment #values
A group of individuals consider that the aim of film production should be entertainment
while
 other
people
 believe that there should
also
 be some educational aims too. The given essay supports the second view as the ideas of
films
 should vary and there are different film genres. On the one hand,
people
 usually watch
films
 to have fun, so not all humans seek educational values in that process. It is obvious that watching
films
 is a therapy for reducing stress and it helps everyone to forget their problems and dive into the film's world.
Moreover
, it is a great way to have a family or friends
time
 which makes it clear why most
people
 usually prefer to watch funny
films
 rather than scientific ones.
For instance
,
according to
 the results of the latest survey conducted by students of
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Amsterdam, 82.45% of citizens of Amsterdam prefer entertainment
films
 to educational ones owing to having fun and avoiding
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 problems.
On the other hand
,
films
 may
also
 have some educational values which make
people
 get new knowledge. These types of
films
 may provide
people
 not only with interesting
time
 but
additionally
 teach us something so that our
time
 would not be wasted on something unreal and fantastic.
Moreover
, a big majority of adults like watching scientific
films
 which is justified by recent interviews by CNN TV which show that 77.2% of men and 56.3% of women really enjoy watching that genre of
films
 owing to interesting facts that they learn and because their
time
 does not get wasted on meaningless things. I strongly support the idea and think that various genres of
films
 have the right to exist.
People
 can decide what they want to watch and how to spend their
time
.
To conclude
,
although
 some think that only entertainment should exist, in my opinion, the educational aspect may be included in
films
 depending on the preferences of
people
 who want to watch
films
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that the ideas are logically connected throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases can help maintain the flow.
task achievement
Try to present slightly deeper analysis or discussion of the ideas to enhance the richness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purpose well, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task effectively and covered both perspectives on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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