IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that history has little or nothing to offer, while others say that study the past helps the present. discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #history #offer #study
Nowadays, technology plays a crucial role in human life.
This
 is the reason why many individuals think that studying
history
 is not necessary.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 disagree with the idea and say that learning about the past is significant to the present. In the following paragraph, both of these viewpoints will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, the major reason that folks believe that it is not essential to study
history
 is that
history
 can be outdated and it could have been altered over time. To illustrate, the books about World War 2 published by the government of the United States of America tell the story from different perspectives compared to the ones generated by the German government.
Furthermore
, those people think that
history
 can not be fixed.
Therefore
, it is better to learn about the present events in the world.
On the other hand
, one of the obvious reasons that studying the past has the potential to help the present is that innovations and breakthroughs nowadays are developed from the past.
In other words
, in the medical industry, the records and outcomes of experiments conducted by former scientists play a vital role in assisting scientists in
this
 era to create new medicines and medical treatments. On top of that, learning about the past makes people understand the origins of their cultures.
For example
, I am from Thailand and one of the most renowned customs of Thailand is Songkran. I would not be proud to celebrate
this
 tradition and introduce it to my foreign friends if I did not comprehend its roots. To summarize,
although
 there are numerous reasons why some people say that studying
history
 is not useful, I strongly believe that it is truly vital to help the present for many reasons.
Submitted by yanaphonthi on

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Language Use
To improve your score further, try diversifying your sentence structures more to add variety and complexity to your writing.
Task Response
When discussing contrasting viewpoints, make sure to express why one perspective may be more valid than the other, especially when you state your own opinion. This will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will improve coherence and cohesion significantly.
Structure
Your essay provides a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a concise conclusion. This is excellent for logical organization.
Supporting Examples
You effectively used examples to support your points, such as the different perspectives on World War 2 and the cultural significance of Songkran in Thailand. This enriches your argument and provides clarity.
Task Response
By directly addressing the task prompt and providing a clear stance in your conclusion, you have met the task requirements effectively. This aspect of your essay was handled well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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