Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, advancements in technology have changed how
people
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connect with each other.
This
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has turned
people
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into making much more friends but has
also
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reduced the depth of those
relationships
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. In my opinion,
this
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is a harmful change
due to
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the fact that it makes humans less able to communicate their personal feelings. Technology’s influence has enabled
people
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to make many more friends than they possibly could in the past.
This
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is largely owing to social media, which revolutionizes communication and helps
people
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to keep in touch with each other regardless of their geographical locations. Another change in human
relationships
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caused by modern technology is that the number of intimate
relationships
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made has been substantially less significant. With so many
people
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to care about, social media deters users from strengthening bonds.
For instance
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, a stark difference can be observed in Vietnam, where most young adults 20 years ago – when the internet was underdeveloped, had much deeper connections than their modern counterparts. The changes made to the types of
relationships
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people
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make nowadays are largely disadvantageous, for it deters
people
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from having deep connections. Lacking valuable bonds means that they have almost no one to confide in during depressive episodes that are inevitable for most humans, and thereby increase the possibility of making unwise decisions. Examples of
this
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can be found all over the world, where the cases of depression that cause suicidal behaviours are becoming more and more common, and one of the primary contributing factors is victims having no one to share their burdens with. In conclusion, despite having much more ability to connect,
people
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are making less meaningful
relationships
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;
thus
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, the quality of
relationships
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diminishes and harms their well-being.
Submitted by blastion05 on

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general
Your essay clearly presents your view and supports it with specific examples, showing a solid understanding of the topic. To refine your work further, consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance readability and avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed examples and explanations to further strengthen your main points. While general examples are provided, delving into specifics can bolster your argument.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your discussion, clearly stating your position and summarizing the main points of your argument.
content
You've successfully used relevant examples to support your main points, aiding in demonstrating the impact of technology on relationships.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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