IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to spend time on team sports, while others like to do single-player sports. In my opinion, as long as they do any sports which is valuable, therefore, people need to choose sports that are suitable for their needs. This essay will delve into both perspectives with my own opinion.

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Some
people
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 prefer to spend
time
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 on
team
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sports
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,
while
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 others like to do single-player
sports
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. In my opinion, as long as they do any
sports
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 which is valuable,
therefore
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,
people
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 need to choose
sports
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 that are suitable for their needs.
This
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 essay will delve into both perspectives with my own opinion.
Firstly
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,
team
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sports
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 encourage
skills
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such
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 as leadership and teamwork that are essential in
this
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 fast-developing society.
This
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 is because most corporate jobs require teamwork
skills
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 as they have many workers,
such
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 collaboration
skills
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 help to be more productive.
Additionally
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, leadership
skills
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 can be developed by playing
team
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sports
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 as it requires at least one leader in the
team
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, which is
also
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 an essential qualification for bigger companies.
Therefore
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, some organizations encourage their staff to play
team
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sports
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.
For instance
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, in Mongolia, bigger corporations organize basketball competitions among their staff annually.
As a result
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, their worker can improve their soft
skills
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while
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 enjoying their free
time
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.
Secondly
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, individual
sports
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 maintain mental health as
people
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 need to spend
time
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 with themselves
,
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apply
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 and push their boundaries
while
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 they are training.
This
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 is because spending quality
time
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 is almost rare in
this
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 fast-growing society,
therefore
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, some
people
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 take chances to release their stress after heavy workloads.
For instance
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, the number of swimmers is growing these days because they can spend
time
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 with themselves as most
people
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 devote their
time
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 to work.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, doing sport is essential, whether it is
team
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 or individual.
People
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 can choose their own preferences,
such
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 as corporate workers prefer teamwork
sports
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 as it improves their leadership and collaboration
skills
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.
Conversely
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, some
people
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 like to do single-player
sports
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 as it encourages their mental well-being.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph are directly related to that main idea.
linguistic range
Consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase a wide range of language skills.
accuracy
Be attentive to minor grammatical errors and strive for accuracy in your writing.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the question in your introduction and conclusion for a stronger task response.
supporting examples
Effectively used examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your arguments.
structure
Your essay was well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.
task response
You successfully covered both sides of the argument and provided a clear personal stance, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboratively
  • community
  • communication skills
  • cooperation
  • sportsmanship
  • self-improvement
  • personal achievements
  • discipline
  • self-reliance
  • concentration
  • personal preferences
  • physical capabilities
  • logistical considerations
  • mental well-being
  • quality of life
  • stress relief
  • physical fitness
  • sense of accomplishment
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