Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in smart devices among youngsters. Large companies are developing different strategies and attract undergraduates. In my point of view,
this
is a negative development, in which technology restricts the growth of teenagers’ mental strength. This
stance will be proven by carefully analysing how it is not beneficial for students.
On the one hand, waste of time
and fitness issues. The main reason is that teenagers spend time
watching movies , playing games
and texting messages to their friends. Another factor is that sometimes they play restricted games
, which has negative effects on their mental well-being. For example
, those types of pupils suffer from weight gain problems and mental health issues, in the Blacktown Hospital, New South Wales a majority of postgraduates admitted, due to
anger management issues. No doubt some students benefit from technology with their school work and exam preparation. Some become scientists and doctors because of read from the Internet and used for their career.As a result
, it is evident that the excessive purpose of electronic devices is harmful to strength.
In contrast
, I think, this
is a negative development, the primary factor is that tutees waste their time
playing video games
and rays emitted by screens damage their eyes. Another reason is that companies attract the younger generation towards the latest gadgets, modern games
and comics. For instance
, a number of students visited the Spec Saver to check their eyes and a medical report printed in the year 2023, Herald newspaper was scary, about 20% of younger suffered from excess use of screen time
. As a consequence
, it is apparent why scholars are attracted towards new technologies.
In conclusion, following the analysis of both advantages and disadvantages, it is clear that
the adoption of technology among sophomores is good only if they need it for school work and knowledge instead
of highly used for games
and chatting, which is dangerous for their health and career. Further
, it is predicted that this
development is going to continue in the future as well.Submitted by rbtech65 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of repeating points across paragraphs - it's important for each paragraph to introduce new insights related to your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity, aim to have a more distinct separation between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will also help in logically structuring your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrating a wider variety of sentence structures can enhance the readability and flow of your essay. Consider experimenting with compound and complex sentences.
Task Achievement
Though your essay addresses the task and provides relevant examples, increasing the depth of your analysis can strengthen your argument. Address the 'why' behind the points you present for a more comprehensive exploration.
Task Achievement
To ensure full task achievement, make sure your conclusion clearly summarizes your stance and the main points of the essay. This reinforces the argument presented.
Introduction & Conclusion
You effectively introduced the topic and clearly presented your stance.
Supporting Examples
Your essay included relevant examples which support your argument, such as the case study from Blacktown Hospital.
Logical Structure
The essay was structured with recognizable paragraphs, and you made an effort to link ideas together.