In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sports on television. Some believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sports themselves. Discuss the view and give your own opinion.

The issue of coverage of
sports
on
television
is a ubiquitous debate in the society. Some
people
argue that the coverage of
sports
on
television
discourages young
people
from participating in any
sports
.
Conversely
, some argue that it will increase
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
of young
people
in any
sports
.
This
essay delves into both perspectives and personal beliefs about them. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
shows make
people
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lazy.
Television
attracts audiences to stare
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
the screen for some moments.
People
will tend to watch
television
rather than
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
engaged in physical activities
such
as exercising, walking around on foot, and running. It will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
a perception that watching
television
is already enough for doing exercise.
Additionally
, watching
television
is a lack of movement activity.
On the other hand
, some
people
believe that watching
sports
on
television
can shape the perspectives of the audience. It can turn some athletes into idols for the younger generation.
For instance
, Olympic champions Greysia Polii and Apriyani Rahayu,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
won the gold medal in the women's doubles sector of badminton at the Tokyo Olympics 2020. The impact of having
athelets
Correct your spelling
athletes
into
Change preposition
as
show examples
idols is
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
sports
arena
Fix the agreement mistake
arenas
show examples
are being fully booked by young
people
. They are attracted by athletes who won
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
gold
medal
Fix the agreement mistake
medals
show examples
.
This
means
sports
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
on
television
effectively persuade young
people
to do any
sports
. In conclusion,
while
some
people
argue that
television
shows can make some individuals become lazy, it is essential
for considering
Change preposition
to consider
show examples
that
sports
television
shows are
also
persuading the youth to participate in any
sports
.
Therefore
, audiences need to be wise
while
watching
television
. They can do some
pureposeful
Correct your spelling
purposeful
physical activity
instead
of watching
television
,
while
also
being inspired by athletes featured on
television
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
Keep paragraphs well-organized by introducing, developing, and concluding ideas clearly within each one. This helps maintain coherence throughout your essay.
Cohesion
Using a variety of sentence structures and transitions can enhance the cohesion and flow of your essay.
Task Response
Ensure every paragraph directly contributes to addressing the essay question. This will keep your essay focused on the task.
Example Usage
Including more varied and specific examples can strengthen your arguments and make your writing more convincing.
Task Response
You've effectively introduced the topic, discussed both views, and provided your own opinion, which is great for task response.
Example Usage
You provided clear and relevant examples, like the Olympic champions Greysia Polii and Apriyani Rahayu, which made your arguments stronger.
Coherence
Your essay has a logical structure and clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion, supporting coherence within your writing.
Argument Engagement
You've done a great job discussing different perspectives before concluding with your own opinion, showing your ability to engage with complex ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Continuous coverage
  • Discourage
  • Participation
  • Televised sports
  • Professional athletes
  • Intimidate
  • Motivate
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Spectator
  • Inspire
  • Educate
  • Visibility
  • Idols
  • Emulate
  • Personal triumph
  • Accessible
  • Facilities
  • Programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: