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Band 6.5

Would you rather visit the moon or the sun? What would you do there

#visit #moon #sun
Nowadays, It is apparent that travelling to the
moon
 would be easier than the sun
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since the distance is shorter and the temperature could be colder.
Moreover
, many spaceships had been sent to observe the
moon
,
also
 there were people who stepped out on the
moon
. The sun is known for its extremely hot and scorching heat. The journey to the sun would take quadruple the distance to the
moon
.
According to
 that, I would prefer to visit the
moon
 to search for the future habitat of human beings and to experience
the no
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 gravity planet. Since the world is facing a global warming crisis nobody knows when it is going to end. There is no doubt to search for the substitution planet to live on. If the resources of essential needs
such
 as air and water can be discovered on it, Inhabiting the
moon
 would not be an unbelievable idea. With no gravity on the
moon
, it would be fun to move from one place to another place by not walking but floating around, and not touching the ground. The feeling of travelling on the
moon
 would be different from travelling on the Earth.
Additionally
, If in the future people move to the
moon
,
this
 would encourage scientists to create new innovation that helps people to transport on the
moon
.
To sum up
, living on the
moon
 would be an exciting and challenging idea for human beings. It would transform the way humans live and enhance many innovative ideas.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question from the beginning. Your introduction should state your preference clearly and succinctly.
Task Achievement
Enhance the relevance and clarity of your examples by tying them more directly to your main argument. While discussing the potential for living on the moon is fascinating, ensure that it closely relates to the reason for your preference.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to directly support your main points. This will provide a smoother reading experience and strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly around single ideas or arguments. This will help in creating a logical flow and making your essay easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your preference and summarizing your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a unique perspective on the potential for human habitats on the moon, which shows creative and critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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