Some believe the primary purpose of museums is to entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Museums
are international destinations that can be located in almost every town around the globe. Given
this
, they can be in the form of an antique heritage site or a modern
state of the art
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state-of-the-art
show examples
building.
Museums
can serve for a number of reasons, but it is largely attributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
contribution to education and
entertainment
.
Firstly
,
museums
have the ability to showcase centuries of history in one setting.
For example
, The Cradle of Human
Kind
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Kinds
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Museum offers educational programs about the evolution of human beings, which stretches over a thousand years.
Additionaly
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Additionally
,
such
educational
museums
can be extremely beneficial for learners who have learning
disibilties
Correct your spelling
disabilities
, given that almost all learning styles are met during
such
programs.
As a result
,
museums
have the ability to transform the learning experience for students and adults into a much more enjoyable experience.
Secondly
,
museums
can be more than just a page from history
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
serve as
entertainment
.
For instance
, Space X Museum allows individuals to participate in gravity stimulation machines, that
resembles
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resemble
show examples
space walking
Correct your spelling
spacewalking
show examples
. Through these types of technological attractions, individuals can experience a glimpse
what
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of what
show examples
the future has to offer; establishing an interest to contribute and
evolve
Wrong verb form
evolving
show examples
our planet.
Hence
,
museums
that offer
entertainment
facilities can instil motivation for young children and even adults to go after their dreams. In conclusion, the educational and
entertainment
purposes of
museums
both have strong support.
Although
, if
museums
put more emphasis on the sole purpose of educating
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
,
then
it will largely benefit future generations.
Thus
, I feel that the main focus of
museums
should be to educate people.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. While your essay does a good job, you could enhance clarity by explicitly stating the main idea at the beginning of paragraphs.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider offering more diversified examples or evidence to support your viewpoints, particularly in the discussion of educational purposes of museums.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, but to enhance logical flow, you could use more diverse and explicit linking phrases between ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by acknowledging the global presence of museums and the debate at hand.
task achievement
You provide clear and specific examples, such as The Cradle of Human Kind Museum and Space X Museum, to support your points.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and states your own opinion, which is a strong finish for your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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