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Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development?

#people #ages #parts #world #time #home #development
Nowadays, all the citizens from specific parts of the earth choose to spend their time in their locations rather than outdoors, I think
this
 change is generally negative because gradually we will lose our sense and responsibility for nature and our surroundings will disappear.
To begin
 with, thanks to technology
this
 generation does not need extra efforts to find what they want, all your needs will be satisfied just with some clicks.
As a result
, they are completely safe and convenient in their location so they do not find any point in searching out the earth.
For example
, some inventions
such
 as VR are giving fascinating experiences to their users and they can simply go through any possibility without any risks and extra consequences.
Additionally
, in modern cities there are all kinds of problems
such
 as air, noise, and traffic and people find it much more demanding to go out and be in touch with the world.
On the other hand
, all of us are part of nature and to be human we need to find out about our community so it is vital to go out and upgrade our sense of responsibility to our countries because at first our global were captured by jungles and lakes and we changed it to
this
 polluted area.
Moreover
, I agree it is a frustrating process to change our world and being in our safe zone is more convenient,
although
 if we do not repair it in the near future we will have to deal with catastrophic effects. In conclusion, seems
this
 generation considers being in their homes and avoiding going outside it. I believe
this
 method is simple ,
however
, we have to go out and find out our communities' issues and solve them gradually because if we do not do
this
 in the long term our world we be destroyed
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

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General Language Use
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Consider including a wider variety of examples to strongly support your main points. Real-world examples can make your argument more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by relevant details and examples. This will enhance the clarity of your argument.
Introduction
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction of the essay, which is excellent for guiding the reader.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, framing your argument effectively.
Content
You've successfully identified and discussed both sides of the issue, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
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