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Band 7

As people are becoming more self-centered today, we must learn kindness. What are the consequences of kindness. What is your opinion?

#people #kindness #consequences
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In contemporary society, selfishness has become increasingly prominent. Some argue that
this
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 phenomenon is attributed to the lack of caring for others, which alleviates
kindness
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. It is my contention that kind-heartedness can improve mental health and promote adequate standards for future generations,
thus
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 enhancing the quality of life for all.
Firstly
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, one paramount benefit is the unparalleled convenience it offers
various
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for various
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 aspects of mental well-being.
For example
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, psychologist Edwin Charles mentions that the brain releases large amounts of dopamine when showing
kindness
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, which in return stimulates one's brain to be happier.
Moreover
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, almost 80% of suicides are caused by a lack of
kindness
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.
Thus
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, without even knowing it, being friendly to a stranger can decrease depression and trauma for them.
Therefore
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, it is evident that pure actions might both improve someone's own mentality and others.
Secondly
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, it is essential to underscore the impact that modern actions could have on humans in the foreseeable future. To illustrate
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, anthropologist Kathy Steward explains that 50% of an individual's actions are influenced by their parents. Given
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, the concatenation of moral values and standards that are being taught to today's children could be learned by their offspring, which continues the cycle of rudeness; unless it is stopped and replaced with
kindness
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.
Hence
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, humbleness can create a
beter
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better
 life for future generations. In conclusion, it is notable that
kindness
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 can increase mental health and promote the quality of life. It is my opinion that if
kindness
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 is disseminated throughout the globe,
then
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 the lives of all humans can benefit.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To further enhance your essay, try to incorporate transitional phrases between your ideas more effectively. This will aid in the smooth flow and connection of your points, making your argument even more cohesive.
Task Achievement
When providing examples or citing research, ensure that the sources sound plausible and are integrated seamlessly into your argument. This strengthens your credibility and supports your points more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a clear opinion and well-developed arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, effectively framing your arguments.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples and references, even if hypothetical, enrich your argument and make it more compelling.
Task Achievement
Your acknowledgment of the importance of kindness for mental health and future standards is insightful and adds depth to your argument.
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