IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #foods #people #food
Nowadays increasing exported to the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countey
Correct your spelling
countries
 for a long way. The majority of
people
 believe that eating other
countries
'
foods
 is more and more cheaper. I think it is a disadvantage and I will discuss bout that. On the one hand, these days many
countries
 export a variety of
foods
 to other
countries
 to purchase cheaper money. They are thinking about the economy in their
countries
. But they do not think about the
people
.
For instance
, Sir Lanka has a decrease in the economy. They are brought to eggs for India. It sells for cheap prices.
Such
 as major cases
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they expired and do they cover to eggs up with some colors?
Therefore
 they are not good for
people
's bodies.
Moreover
, some other
foods
 like dry food and parking natural
foods
 are
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
exported to other
countries
. They put some chemicals that they are to keeping long period.
For example
,
this
 way
people
 put the sold or alcohol to keep long-period
foods
 natural.
As a consequence
, the food they eat after becomes a non-communicable
disese
Correct your spelling
disease
.like cancer.
On the other hand
,
this
 way Very advantageous for the government, not the
people
. Because exported to food for keeping long period to very cheap.
therefore
 majority of
people
 do not understand these cases and they eat more and more of them because of the cheap. In conclusion, exporting long-period keeping
foods
 has more disadvantages and
people
 become a noncommunicable disease.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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task response
Be careful to answer the question directly. The connection between local foods and the discussed topics (importing cheaper food, health risks) is not clearly made.
coherence & cohesion
Work on presenting a clearer structure for your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your introduction, main arguments, and conclusion.
task response
Support your points with more specific examples and clearer arguments. It's important to make your case with logic and evidence.
coherence & cohesion
To improve readability, focus on sentence structure and punctuation. Errors in these areas can make the essay difficult to understand.
task response
You've recognized and discussed important issues related to the topic, such as health risks associated with preserved foods.
task response
You've made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good practice in IELTS essays.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon footprint
  • Local economies
  • Sense of community
  • Preservatives
  • Long-haul transport
  • Biodiversity
  • Cultivation
  • Extensive packaging
  • Ecosystems
  • Agricultural production
  • Energy-efficient
  • Cultural diversity
  • Global cuisines
  • Dependence
  • Scale of production
What to do next:
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