In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed. In which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this

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In some parts of the US, there is a fixed
time
and
after
this
time
,young people are not permitted to go outside and they can go only with mature people.
While
I accept that
this
phenomenon can be beneficial in terms of protecting
teenagers
,I believe that
this
can deprive them of their autonomy. On the one hand,as in recent years,robbing has become a significant issue,
teenagers
can face
this
problem when they go outside without any adults.They can be beaten by robbers and even can be killed.
For example
,in many large cities,many young children are killed or beaten and their money is taken.
Therefore
, setting a fixed
time
for all
teenagers
can be good for their lives and if there is a mature person with them ,robbers can deter
this
tendency.
On the other hand
,I believe that levying a curfew can take away children's independence, because when they are accompanied by mature people,they may not do what they want.they can do what adults want,which can result in depriving them of autonomy,ultimately leading to problems in their mental health.
For example
,since fixed
time
has been implemented in the UK, the young cannot do what they want when they go outside with their adult and
thus
,it has led to the deprivation of rights and many mental health concerns in the long run. Taking everything into account,
although
imposing a curfew in some parts of the US can be advantageous for
teenagers
' safety,I am of the opinion that it is important to acknowledge that it can take away children's independence.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You've done a great job structuring your essay in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to enhance your score further, try varying your sentence structures more and using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow.
Task Achievement
You've clearly addressed the task by presenting your opinion and supporting it with relevant examples and reasons. To aim for a higher score, consider exploring your ideas in even greater depth and presenting a more nuanced argument, perhaps by acknowledging potential counterarguments and providing rebuttals.
Structure
Your essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making your argument easy to follow.
Content & Support
You provided relevant examples and reasons to support your main points, contributing to the strength of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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