Some people think that parents have an powerful influence in child's life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part of child's development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some individuals believe that
parents
affect a child’s life significantly,
however
, society has a larger
influence
on a child’s future. From my perspective, I believe that
this
given argument is justified. First of all, it is true that
parents
are necessary in
children
’s development. As an old saying goes: “
Parents
are
children
’s first
teachers
in their life.” I believe that fathers’ and mothers’
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
absolutely affects youngsters. There is a report that said over 80% of
children
who are under 4 years old would mimic their
parents
’ actions, and,
in addition
, when they grow up, their personalities will be similar to their
parents
’.
However
, as far as I am concerned, society,
such
as
friends
, classmates, and
teachers
, would have a greater
influence
.
Firstly
, most
children
spend their time in school after the age of 6.
Teachers
not only teach them knowledge but
also
influence
their beliefs and values.
For instance
, in many schools, if
teachers
’ quality is not good enough and they always punish students harshly, it can negatively affect most of the
children
’s lives.
In addition
, classmates and
friends
may
also
impact
children
strongly.
Besides
teachers
and
parents
,
children
always stay with their
friends
. Especially teenagers, some of whom do not want to spend time with their
parents
, may spend most of their day hanging out with their
friends
and doing things without parental guidance.
For example
, a boy who always spends hours with his
friends
, who often
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
show examples
crimes,
such
as theft, threats, or gambling, may lose his way in life.
Therefore
, external factors and people may have a deep
influence
on young people. In conclusion,
parents
, of course, have a strong effect on
children
,
while
I believe that society may have a stronger impact on their growth,
as a result
of
children
spending more time with
friends
and
teachers
while
they form their beliefs and values.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position throughout. Continue to support your arguments with relevant examples and explanations to reinforce your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical structure in your essay by clearly separating your ideas into paragraphs, each devoted to a specific argument. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs.
general
Consider varying your sentence structures and using synonyms to enhance language variety. This can make your essay even more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Excellent use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Providing specific examples to support your arguments strengthens your essay and makes your standpoint convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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