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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents have an powerful influence in child's life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part of child's development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #influence #child #life #home #part #development
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Nowadays, some individuals believe that
parents
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 affect a child’s life significantly,
however
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, society has a larger
influence
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 on a child’s future. From my perspective, I believe that
this
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 given argument is justified. First of all, it is true that
parents
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 are necessary in
children
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’s development. As an old saying goes: “
Parents
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 are
children
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’s first
teachers
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 in their life.” I believe that fathers’ and mothers’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 absolutely affects youngsters. There is a report that said over 80% of
children
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 who are under 4 years old would mimic their
parents
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’ actions, and,
in addition
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, when they grow up, their personalities will be similar to their
parents
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’.
However
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, as far as I am concerned, society,
such
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 as
friends
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, classmates, and
teachers
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, would have a greater
influence
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.
Firstly
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, most
children
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 spend their time in school after the age of 6.
Teachers
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 not only teach them knowledge but
also
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influence
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 their beliefs and values.
For instance
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, in many schools, if
teachers
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’ quality is not good enough and they always punish students harshly, it can negatively affect most of the
children
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’s lives.
In addition
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, classmates and
friends
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 may
also
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 impact
children
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 strongly.
Besides
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teachers
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 and
parents
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,
children
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 always stay with their
friends
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. Especially teenagers, some of whom do not want to spend time with their
parents
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, may spend most of their day hanging out with their
friends
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 and doing things without parental guidance.
For example
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, a boy who always spends hours with his
friends
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, who often
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
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 crimes,
such
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 as theft, threats, or gambling, may lose his way in life.
Therefore
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, external factors and people may have a deep
influence
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 on young people. In conclusion,
parents
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, of course, have a strong effect on
children
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,
while
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 I believe that society may have a stronger impact on their growth,
as a result
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 of
children
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 spending more time with
friends
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 and
teachers
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while
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 they form their beliefs and values.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position throughout. Continue to support your arguments with relevant examples and explanations to reinforce your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical structure in your essay by clearly separating your ideas into paragraphs, each devoted to a specific argument. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs.
general
Consider varying your sentence structures and using synonyms to enhance language variety. This can make your essay even more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Excellent use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Providing specific examples to support your arguments strengthens your essay and makes your standpoint convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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