IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
All around the world, there are various societies in which some humans stay at
work
 for so many
hours
;
this
 has led communities to think about the reason and whether it is a positive point or a drop back in
work
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 workplace. The following passage is going to give logical reasons;
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 clarifying the ups and downs of
this
 situation. In the beginning, there are several reasons for people to choose long working
hours
 compared to other options in the
work
 field. First of all, most of the time long working
hours
 pay much more than the short ones in the same job for almost 90 per cent of the official businesses.
Secondly
, in
this
 way, all the workers can accompany more with their families, as they fulfil their working
hours
 in fewer working days throughout the weekday.
In addition
, there are some personal interests, advantages or even opportunities which can tempt employers to accept
this
 approach in the workplace;
for example
, being passionate about the job each person does or geographical advantages that the company has for employees are some of the most important factors for every human being. All that said, it is not deniable that communities should consider all the negative and positive impacts.
To begin
 with, long working
hours
 can lead workers to considerable back pains in late adulthood;
moreover
, of the unhealthy sedentary lifestyle that these employees have they might end up with obesity or high blood pressure, high cholesterol and more to mention.
However
, drawbacks are not the only points in
this
work
 case;
for instance
, spending long
work
hours
 on some businesses can actually lead people to success faster than more reachable methods.
Also
, these hard workers can be relieved in the elderly because of the retirement salary they get. In conclusion;
although
, working for lengthy periods can bring some benefits into humans’ lives
; ,
Change the punctuation
;
,
show examples
 it can be seen that
this
 option is not suitable for most of society.
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task achievement
The essay should provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points you are making. Using specific examples can make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are completely clear and comprehensible. Some sentences in the essay are a bit confusing and could be more straightforward.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of paragraphs to make sure the essay flows naturally from one idea to the next. This will help in making the essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of the essay and to better connect your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which summarises the main points effectively.
task achievement
You provided some good reasons for why people might work long hours and discussed both positive and negative aspects of this.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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