IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals claim that all experimentation on creatures should be out of law. Meanwhile, others think that
due to
 these experiments,
today
, we achieved numerous scientific discoveries. In
this
 essay, I will explore
this
 topic deeply.
Animals
 have been used to improve scientist's performance, since a long time ago.
Today
,
due to
 the experiments on these creatures we have several solutions for many human diseases. It should not be normal to justify these things, even so, these bad treatments provide the best scientific developments to the scientific community.
However
, thriving and using
animals
 as practical tools in science labs should be illegal. By the way, in many laboratories and in several biology universities
animals
 are still used to do some research
today
. Nowadays the highest technology has been developed and it should be used
in addition
 to artificial intelligence in order to create alternatives. Governments should spend more money on research,
thus
 scientists can work on solutions.
For instance
,
today
 many things are better because of the crisis between high technology and artificial intelligence. It should be good to create holograms of
animals
 in order to give time to the scientist to improve their skills in discoveries but step by step, without changing the basic subject that they are used to be treated in their laboratories. In conclusion, despite the previous advantages, nowadays it should be illegal to conduct experiments on
animals
' bodies. Personally, I think that we have enough tools to avoid these treatments, thanks to the cutting-edge technology that we have a disposition.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, addressing both sides of the argument. However, some ideas could be developed further for an even clearer response. Including more specific examples or case studies would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, some sentences are a bit unclear and could be more polished. Ensuring clarity and avoiding awkward phrasing will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Strengthening the connection between points within paragraphs can improve the flow. Using more transitional phrases or linking words can help in achieving better cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and present a clear stance on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay covers the main points related to the topic, presenting a clear viewpoint on both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: