IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

16.In some countries, too much money is spent by both the government and individuals on national festivals, such as New Year. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

#countries #money #government #individuals #festivals #year
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Both texts complement each other, describing
pressing
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the pressing
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 issue of teenagers' unwillingness to study
PE
Use synonyms
.
While
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 the second text considers the fundamental reasons for
this
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, the first one offers some solutions and the benefits they can provide. The consequences of lack of physical activity are on the surface, but what are they
causes
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caused
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 by?
Firstly
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, not only teenagers
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 less crazy about it, but nowadays there is
also
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 a significant problem
of
Change preposition
with
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genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
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, which leads to girls refusing to share
PE
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 classes with boys. Especially,
this
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 problem is essential in a high school.
Secondly
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,
thereare
Correct your spelling
there are
 not so many sports in schools offered to find the one which appeals to you.
Last
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 but not least,
Use synonyms
PE
Correct article usage
the PE
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 uniform is absolutely old-fashionable. Teens now prefer to be in trend, but
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
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 just
crosses
Correct subject-verb agreement
cross
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this
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 opportunity. Is there any alternative way of teaching sports in schools? Fortunately, there is - and the first text focuses
onit
Correct your spelling
on it
on
. The
NAtional
Correct your spelling
National
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 Sports Academy provides courses which help teachers to find the most effective vector of
PE
Use synonyms
 development. It makes coaches familiar with
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 exercises to keep fit. It is
also
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 worth bearing in mind that
such
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 practice will decrease the amount of Neurological diseases. Equally importantly,
spirit
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the spirit
a spirit
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 of competition will born in schools which is really good for everyone, as trying to beat all the records is good for character. As a recent graduate, I can say that all the problems emphasised in these texts are definitely not a joke. The world is changing rapidly, so why should
PE
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 lessons stay the same? I hope
this
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 idea is clear
for
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to
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and they will <предпринять меры> to improve the situation.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your argument. Be explicit about your stance at the beginning and summarize key points at the end.
Logical Structure
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs through clearer transitions and topic sentences.
Specific Examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your main points. This could involve citing statistics, research, or detailed scenarios.
Relevance
Make sure to address the essay topic directly throughout the essay to maintain relevance and fully answer the question.
Understanding of Topic
You've shown a clear understanding of the topic and have included relevant arguments.
Well-rounded Argument
Your essay explores both the problem and potential solutions, which shows a well-rounded approach to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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