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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

16.In some countries, too much money is spent by both the government and individuals on national festivals, such as New Year. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

#countries #money #government #individuals #festivals #year
Both texts complement each other, describing
pressing
Add an article
the pressing
show examples
 issue of teenagers' unwillingness to study
PE
.
While
 the second text considers the fundamental reasons for
this
, the first one offers some solutions and the benefits they can provide. The consequences of lack of physical activity are on the surface, but what are they
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by?
Firstly
, not only teenagers
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 less crazy about it, but nowadays there is
also
 a significant problem
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, which leads to girls refusing to share
PE
 classes with boys. Especially,
this
 problem is essential in a high school.
Secondly
,
thereare
Correct your spelling
there are
 not so many sports in schools offered to find the one which appeals to you.
Last
 but not least,
PE
Correct article usage
the PE
show examples
 uniform is absolutely old-fashionable. Teens now prefer to be in trend, but
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
 just
crosses
Correct subject-verb agreement
cross
show examples
this
 opportunity. Is there any alternative way of teaching sports in schools? Fortunately, there is - and the first text focuses
onit
Correct your spelling
on it
on
. The
NAtional
Correct your spelling
National
show examples
 Sports Academy provides courses which help teachers to find the most effective vector of
PE
 development. It makes coaches familiar with
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 exercises to keep fit. It is
also
 worth bearing in mind that
such
 practice will decrease the amount of Neurological diseases. Equally importantly,
spirit
Add an article
the spirit
a spirit
show examples
 of competition will born in schools which is really good for everyone, as trying to beat all the records is good for character. As a recent graduate, I can say that all the problems emphasised in these texts are definitely not a joke. The world is changing rapidly, so why should
PE
 lessons stay the same? I hope
this
 idea is clear
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and they will <предпринять меры> to improve the situation.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your argument. Be explicit about your stance at the beginning and summarize key points at the end.
Logical Structure
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs through clearer transitions and topic sentences.
Specific Examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your main points. This could involve citing statistics, research, or detailed scenarios.
Relevance
Make sure to address the essay topic directly throughout the essay to maintain relevance and fully answer the question.
Understanding of Topic
You've shown a clear understanding of the topic and have included relevant arguments.
Well-rounded Argument
Your essay explores both the problem and potential solutions, which shows a well-rounded approach to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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