In some of countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In recent years, there has been a high increase
of
Change preposition
in
health
issues among populations around the world. Overweight and obesity are some of the major concerns affecting the overal
fitness of the majority. In Correct your spelling
overall
this
essay, i
will discuss the causes of these issues and provide solutions that can be used to address them.
The number of Change the capitalization
I
people
suffering from Add a missing verb
being over-weight
over-weight
is increasing Correct your spelling
overweight
everyday
. Replace the word
every day
Firstly
, there is too much production of genetically modified food
. This
is one of thew
biggest problems affecting weight management. The chemicals used in these products are dangerous to the Correct your spelling
the
body
and they help acumulate
excess fat in the Correct your spelling
accumulate
body
. For instance
, they are injecting chemichals
that speed Correct your spelling
chemicals
growth
of Add an article
the growth
poltry
to mature in a few weeks, when Correct your spelling
poultry
poetry
people
consume meat from these animals they also
get affected, Additionally
, communities are eating a lot of junk food
, these are foods like burgers, chips and kentaky
. These foods contain high Correct your spelling
Kentucky
colesterol
and it Correct your spelling
cholesterol
affect
the Change the verb form
affects
diggestive
system Correct your spelling
digestive
hence
failure
to regulate Correct article usage
the failure
body
fats. Moreso, diseases such
as diabetes are also
the cause of these body
weight issues. diabestes
cause a number of Correct your spelling
diabetes
health
problems that impairs
the Change the verb form
impair
body
's ability to stay fit
Nevertheless
, there are many ways to tackle these problems. One; folks must resort to eating organic foods rather than GMOs, this
will Correct word choice
as this
helps
to maintain the Wrong verb form
help
body
's homeostasis. Secondly
, people
should be consious
about their diet, Correct your spelling
conscious
people
should normalise eating vegetable
and fruits. There is an Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
english
Change the capitalization
English
adegy
that says "an apple a day keeps a doctor away", Correct your spelling
ad
this
implies that eating healthy food
keeps your body
healthy and fit. Lastly
, people
should exercise regulary
in order to stay fit, Correct your spelling
regularly
sedentary
lifestyle is dangerous. normalise walking short distances and participate in activities that increase your Add an article
a sedentary
body
movements.
In conclusion, governments should play a pivotal role in monitoring the food
production industries since some individuals are using harmful ways of
during production thereby affecting the Change preposition
apply
health
of the mass
. Fix the agreement mistake
masses
Also
, the health
systems should facilitate awareness to the masses by educating them how
to keep healthy.Change preposition
on how
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Structure
Try to vary your sentence structure more to enhance the readability of your essay. Including a mixture of complex and simple sentences can make your points clearer and more engaging.
Content
It is commendable that you provided specific examples to support your points. However, ensuring that these examples are detailed and directly tied to your arguments will make them more effective. Consider expanding on how these examples directly relate to the points you are making.
Language
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Minor errors like 'diabestes' instead of 'diabetes', 'kentaky' instead of 'Kentucky', or 'colesterol' instead of 'cholesterol', can distract from your message. Regular proofreading can help identify and correct these slips.
Conclusion
While your conclusion summarizes the main points well, consider reinforcing your stance or viewpoint explicitly in the conclusion to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Language and Style
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task with a coherent structure and relevant examples. Consider using a broader vocabulary to express your ideas more vividly. For instance, instead of 'high increase', you might say 'significant increase' or instead of 'eating healthy food keeps your body healthy and fit', perhaps 'a balanced diet promotes physical well-being'.
Introduction
You successfully introduced the topic and outlined the main points of discussion, providing a clear roadmap for your essay.
Logical Structure
Your essay shows a good progression of ideas from causes to solutions, maintaining coherence and ensuring the reader can follow your arguments easily.
Content
You provided several actionable solutions which show your understanding of practical methods for tackling the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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