In some of countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In recent years, there has been a high increase

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health

Use synonyms

issues among populations around the world. Overweight and obesity are some of the major concerns affecting the

overal

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overall

fitness of the majority. In

this

Linking Words

essay,

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will discuss the causes of these issues and provide solutions that can be used to address them. The number of

people

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suffering from

Add a missing verb

being over-weight

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over-weight

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overweight

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is increasing

everyday

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every day

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Firstly

Linking Words

, there is too much production of genetically modified

food

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This

Linking Words

is one of

thew

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the

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biggest problems affecting weight management. The chemicals used in these products are dangerous to the

body

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and they help

acumulate

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accumulate

excess fat in the

body

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For instance

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, they are injecting

chemichals

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chemicals

that speed

growth

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the growth

show examples

poltry

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poultry

poetry

to mature in a few weeks, when

people

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consume meat from these animals they

also

Linking Words

get affected,

Additionally

Linking Words

, communities are eating a lot of junk

food

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, these are foods like burgers, chips and

kentaky

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Kentucky

. These foods contain high

colesterol

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cholesterol

and it

affect

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affects

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the

diggestive

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digestive

system

hence

Linking Words

failure

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the failure

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to regulate

body

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fats. Moreso, diseases

such

Linking Words

as diabetes are

also

Linking Words

the cause of these

body

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weight issues.

diabestes

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diabetes

cause a number of

health

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problems that

impairs

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impair

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the

body

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's ability to stay fit

Nevertheless

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, there are many ways to tackle these problems. One; folks must resort to eating organic foods rather than GMOs,

Linking Words

this

Correct word choice

as this

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will

helps

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help

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to maintain the

body

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's homeostasis.

Secondly

Linking Words

people

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should be

consious

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conscious

about their diet,

people

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should normalise eating

vegetable

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vegetables

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and fruits. There is an

english

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English

show examples

adegy

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that says "an apple a day keeps a doctor away",

this

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implies that eating healthy

food

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keeps your

body

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healthy and fit.

Lastly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should exercise

regulary

Correct your spelling

regularly

in order to stay fit,

sedentary

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a sedentary

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lifestyle is dangerous. normalise walking short distances and participate in activities that increase your

body

Use synonyms

movements. In conclusion, governments should play a pivotal role in monitoring the

food

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production industries since some individuals are using harmful ways

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apply

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during production thereby affecting the

health

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of the

mass

Fix the agreement mistake

masses

show examples

Also

Linking Words

, the

health

Use synonyms

systems should facilitate awareness to the masses by educating them

how

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on how

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to keep healthy.

sisalt100Tue Apr 09 2024

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Structure

Try to vary your sentence structure more to enhance the readability of your essay. Including a mixture of complex and simple sentences can make your points clearer and more engaging.

Content

It is commendable that you provided specific examples to support your points. However, ensuring that these examples are detailed and directly tied to your arguments will make them more effective. Consider expanding on how these examples directly relate to the points you are making.

Language

Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Minor errors like 'diabestes' instead of 'diabetes', 'kentaky' instead of 'Kentucky', or 'colesterol' instead of 'cholesterol', can distract from your message. Regular proofreading can help identify and correct these slips.

Conclusion

While your conclusion summarizes the main points well, consider reinforcing your stance or viewpoint explicitly in the conclusion to leave a stronger impression on the reader.

Language and Style

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task with a coherent structure and relevant examples. Consider using a broader vocabulary to express your ideas more vividly. For instance, instead of 'high increase', you might say 'significant increase' or instead of 'eating healthy food keeps your body healthy and fit', perhaps 'a balanced diet promotes physical well-being'.

Introduction

You successfully introduced the topic and outlined the main points of discussion, providing a clear roadmap for your essay.

Logical Structure

Your essay shows a good progression of ideas from causes to solutions, maintaining coherence and ensuring the reader can follow your arguments easily.

Content

You provided several actionable solutions which show your understanding of practical methods for tackling the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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In some of countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mible phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Some parents believe that extra private lesson outside school hours, where students work alone with a teach, can help them do better at school. Others disagree. What are the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition? And give your opinion.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certains talents, for instance for sport or music, and other are not. However, it is sometimes claimed tha any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both the views and gie your own opinion.