The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling

abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese

tourist market.
The bar chart compares the
number
of
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
abroad in the span of 11 years. It is notable that in 1995 the
number
of
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
reached the highest rate.
This
is accounted
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
approximately 15 million, exhibiting a higher
number
than all the other categories provided.
This
significant increase means that
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
rose dramatically in that period.
However
, the lowest performance of
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
1885, which stood at about 5.
This
huge drop demonstrates that
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
declined sharply notably at that time.
On the other hand
, the line graph illustrates the
percentage
of
Australia
's
share
in the span of 11 years. The most significant rate demonstrated in
this
chart is about 7%.
This
indicates that the
percentage
of
Australia
's
share
increased sharply, meaning that
Australia
's
share
reached a peak
at the end
of 1993.
In contrast
, the lowest point of
Australia
's
share
at
Add a missing verb
was at
show examples
the beginning of 1885. As it reached about 0%
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
shows a huge drop in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
of
Australia
's
share
.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that the
number
and
percentage
of
Japanese
tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
and
Australia
's
share
in both charts faced remarkable changes in the years mentioned above.
Submitted by waell12 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, tourists, percentage, australia, share with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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