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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia’s #tourist #market
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The bar chart compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
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tourists
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 abroad in the span of 11 years. It is notable that in 1995 the
number
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 of
Japanese
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tourists
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 reached the highest rate.
This
Linking Words
 is accounted
at
Change preposition
for
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 approximately 15 million, exhibiting a higher
number
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 than all the other categories provided.
This
Linking Words
 significant increase means that
Japanese
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tourists
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 rose dramatically in that period.
However
Linking Words
, the lowest performance of
Japanese
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tourists
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
 1885, which stood at about 5.
This
Linking Words
 huge drop demonstrates that
Japanese
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tourists
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 declined sharply notably at that time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the line graph illustrates the
percentage
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 of
Australia
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's
share
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 in the span of 11 years. The most significant rate demonstrated in
this
Linking Words
 chart is about 7%.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that the
percentage
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 of
Australia
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's
share
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 increased sharply, meaning that
Australia
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's
share
Use synonyms
 reached a peak
at the end
Linking Words
 of 1993.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest point of
Australia
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's
share
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at
Add a missing verb
was at
show examples
 the beginning of 1885. As it reached about 0%
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 shows a huge drop in
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percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
Australia
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's
share
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the
number
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 and
percentage
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 of
Japanese
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tourists
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and
Australia
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's
share
Use synonyms
 in both charts faced remarkable changes in the years mentioned above.
Submitted by waell12 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, tourists, percentage, australia, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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