Competitive sports have been argued to have a positive effect on child education by some, while others oppose it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sports competitions give some perspective either positive or negative side from people for offspring’s study development progress. In my opinion, I decidedly agree, I will describe my reasons in
this
essay.
One of the important things that must be developed in children is muscle workouts to enhance the establishment of the brain
. Some research states that offspring under twelve years old must be active in their brain
capability because the brain
is connected to the body. This
study correlates with my experiences in the past. When I was ten years old, my father assigned me to join a dancing tuition to prepare me for a dancing championship event hence
until now I can feel positive effects from my dancing exercise such
as significant thinking progress on my daily activity.
Physical competition also
builds children’s creativity in the way how to think of the strategy who winning the prize. Kids always have a high curiosity and a lot of energy to achieve their purpose, particularly in terms of winning such
a tournament. For instance
, when I was six years old, I was so ambitious to win a dancing clash since I could have gained a lot of money. Then
, a day before the match, I prepared all of the requirements and made a unique costume to be the first one. That is
evidence of how competition produces creativity and productivity.
To conclude
, the reinforcement of the human brain
and the development of creativity are the key points of how essential the role of joining event sports is for kids. Parents must consider other recreational activities outside education formal to find their passion.Submitted by damayanti.nsd on
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Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively communicated your viewpoint and provided relevant examples to support your argument, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay. For a higher score, aim for more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the sophistication of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your examples and reasons are relevant and clear, satisfactorily addressing the prompt. To improve, consider incorporating a wider range of perspectives and counterarguments, which can help in demonstrating a more thorough understanding of the topic. This depth can elevate your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
To bolster coherence, ensure your essay has clear thematic divisions between paragraphs, with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph effectively. This will aid in guiding the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
You've used personal experiences effectively, which makes your argument more relatable and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's structure is logical, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding your argument.
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