The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

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The growth of mobile phone utilization in the

last

decades has altered the manner of our lives,

communication

, and even business. Using mobile

phones

is widely considered the reason for a significant number of social and health problems;

however

, I affirm that the beneficial role of mobile

phones

cannot be ignored even if they have caused some downsides.

Initially

, the increment employ of mobile

phones

, better to say technology, has always been criticized

due to

the fact that it is believed to have more drawbacks compared to its positive use.

For instance

, many users claim that they are able to meet their family and friends online,

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their business aims, and make money which makes them able to save more time and energy,

nonetheless

, the harmful effects of

this

kind of

communication

, encompassing social isolation, depression, and disillusionment cannot be overlooked.

On the other hand

, it is obvious that the number of illnesses has escalated since the invention of mobile

phones

has been enhanced.

For instance

, the rate of obesity, cardiovascular diseases, mental disorders, etc. has increased

due to

the excessive use of mobile

phones

and exposure to mobile radiation. Not only do we witness numerous physical issues, but

also

, we can

also

distinguish the increased number of social problems including

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

show examples

issues,

communication

problems, and

such

things which are all the consequences of using mobile

phones

. In conclusion, considering all the above-mentioned matters, we cannot condone the effective role of mobile

phones

and the ease they have brought in

communication

and data interchange.

Additionally

, I am inclined to approve that mobile

phones

are useful devices but the way we use them can determine their negative or positive impacts.

Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on Sun Apr 14 2024

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task achievement

To improve the clarity and impact of your essay, including more specific examples to support your arguments would be beneficial. This helps illustrate your points more vividly and makes the essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Ensure a balance of discussion between advantages and disadvantages in your essay. Exploring both sides equally gives your argument depth and fairness.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, try to create stronger linking sentences at the end of each paragraph that smoothly transition to the next idea or section. This will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider variety of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the cohesiveness and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency throughout your essay.

coherence cohesion

You provided a solid introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay's argument.

task achievement

Your essay addressed the task directly and provided a comprehensive view of the topic.

coherence cohesion

You successfully maintained a logical structure throughout your essay, which helps in clearly conveying your message.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

over-reliance
cyberbullying
screen time
data privacy
identity theft
financial fraud
eye strain
sleep disorders
chronic issues
productivity
notifications
validation
self-esteem

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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

The percentage of overweight children in westrn society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

To what extent do you agree that the men and women should do the same job as each other.