The number of old people is increasing in many countries. Some people think this causes problems, whilst other people think that old people have an important role to play. How far do you agree or disagree

#people #countries #whilst #role

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Many studies describe the harmful effects that a rise in elderly may cause to a

country

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, as in

this

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discussion, where one proposes having more aged

people

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country

Correct article usage

a country

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could potentially be harmful.

while

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some believe they old

people

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hold a significant position

Remove the comma

apply

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and can benefit society. I acknowledge the two opposite perspectives in question.

However

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, I strongly agree, that having more elderly could be disadvantageous; reasons and examples will be provided to state acknowledgement.

To begin

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with, the rise in the number of elderly

people

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in numbers could potentially be harmful

due to

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its negative effects on a

country

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. One of which is the economic impact, increasing number of old

people

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can strain services like healthcare and public pension services.

For instance

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, many companies have predicted through a variety of studies that,

due to

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the rise in age

people

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, Japan could potentially

be leading

Wrong verb form

lead

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to higher taxes and reduced spending money on areas like education and infrastructure, which may result in a collapse of the

country

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's economy.

Furthermore

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this

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would

also

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lead to a shortage of available workers, affecting productivity and would increase workforce challenges.

On the other hand

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, the elderly

also

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play an important role in society

due to

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several reasons. They have more knowledge & experience, allowing them to contribute in professional

as well as

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community roles and can transmit their practical knowledge to the younger ones.

Moreover

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, the elderly play a crucial role by offering emotional support, contributing to the transmission of cultural importance to the upcoming generations and supporting the healthcare sector in research. In conclusion,

although

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an ageing population can present challenges for a

country

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, especially when compared to the younger generation, the value and contributions of the elderly should not be overlooked. It is crucial to recognize and honour their wisdom, experience, and the roles they play in society, ensuring that their importance is duly acknowledged and respected.

Submitted by nick on Mon Jun 10 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that ideas are clearer and more logically presented. Some sections of the essay could be refined for better understanding.

task achievement

Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the main points. For instance, providing more detailed data or specific case studies would strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Try to balance the discussion of both perspectives evenly, offering more detailed analysis of the benefits that elderly people bring to society.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.

task achievement

You have acknowledged both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.

task achievement

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and includes relevant points about economic impact, workforce challenges, and the value of elderly wisdom and experience.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

aging population
public pension systems
healthcare services
productivity
innovation
birth rates
valuable knowledge
transmission of cultural and practical knowledge
family cohesion
healthcare advancements
age-related conditions
volunteering
community involvement
mutual support

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The number of old people is increasing in many countries. Some people think this causes problems, whilst other people think that old people have an important role to play. How far do you agree or disagree

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More and more plastic waste is polluting cities, countrysides and oceans on the world. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their students, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?