The number of old people is increasing in many countries. Some people think this causes problems, whilst other people think that old people have an important role to play. How far do you agree or disagree
Many studies describe the harmful effects that a rise in elderly may cause to a
country
, as in this
discussion, where one proposes having more aged people
in country
could potentially be harmful. Correct article usage
a country
while
some believe they old people
hold a significant position,
and can benefit society. I acknowledge the two opposite perspectives in question. Remove the comma
apply
However
, I strongly agree, that having more elderly could be disadvantageous; reasons and examples will be provided to state acknowledgement.
To begin
with, the rise in the number of elderly people
in numbers could potentially be harmful due to
its negative effects on a country
. One of which is the economic impact, increasing number of old people
can strain services like healthcare and public pension services. For instance
, many companies have predicted through a variety of studies that, due to
the rise in age people
, Japan could potentially be leading
to higher taxes and reduced spending money on areas like education and infrastructure, which may result in a collapse of the Wrong verb form
lead
country
's economy. Furthermore
, this
would also
lead to a shortage of available workers, affecting productivity and would increase workforce challenges.
On the other hand
, the elderly also
play an important role in society due to
several reasons. They have more knowledge & experience, allowing them to contribute in professional as well as
community roles and can transmit their practical knowledge to the younger ones. Moreover
, the elderly play a crucial role by offering emotional support, contributing to the transmission of cultural importance to the upcoming generations and supporting the healthcare sector in research.
In conclusion, although
an ageing population can present challenges for a country
, especially when compared to the younger generation, the value and contributions of the elderly should not be overlooked. It is crucial to recognize and honour their wisdom, experience, and the roles they play in society, ensuring that their importance is duly acknowledged and respected.Submitted by nick
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are clearer and more logically presented. Some sections of the essay could be refined for better understanding.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the main points. For instance, providing more detailed data or specific case studies would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion of both perspectives evenly, offering more detailed analysis of the benefits that elderly people bring to society.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have acknowledged both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and includes relevant points about economic impact, workforce challenges, and the value of elderly wisdom and experience.