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Writing Samples
Band 7

deforestatrion caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem ?

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Due to
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 human factors, we lost myriad forests all around the world.
Also
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, it brought to us extensive damage to vegetation in many areas. So, we have to do something urgently to find a way out. In
this
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 article, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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my opinions.
Firstly
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, we know, people have to the something to survive.
That is
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 why, we build buildings and factories and
also
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, we cut down trees for heat in the modern world.
However
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, we should know that all of these are really bad things for our health and future lives.
While
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 folks doing something, need to think about the next generation.
Secondly
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, states have to prepare new laws about their surroundings.
Also
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, the public should be informed by governments.
This
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 education should start with schools. Or, there must be ways to obtain energy without felling trees and destroying forests. Or, we should avoid embracing city life, the person can prefer to live in the village.
Thus
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, families do not need to remove the forests. They can learn within nature and defend it.
Thirdly
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, I am from Turkey and our founder's name is Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. He had a mansion in Bursa and there was a plane tree in front of the mansion. The plane had grown up and it had to be cut.
However
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, Mustafa Kemal Atatürk really cared about nature and green. So rather than cut down the tree, he asked him to move the mansion. Actually, that example shows us the importance of nature. I always take
this
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 behaviour as an example. In conclusion, soil nourishes us, gives oxygen, protects us...etc.
While
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 it is doing so many things, we just have to protect it and take care of it. In my opinion,
this
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 can only be possible with education. Education starts in the family.

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Structure
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to clearly express your ideas.
Coherence
To enhance coherence, use more linking words and phrases to better connect your paragraphs and main points.
Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position or findings.
Argument Support
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This makes your points more convincing and your essay more informative.
Content
You effectively communicated the urgency of addressing deforestation and suggested practical solutions, demonstrating good task achievement.
Example
The inclusion of a personal example from Turkey adds a unique and engaging perspective to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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