IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that to lead a successful life, a university degree is important. Others believe that this is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today’s world, the path to a prosperous life can be achieved through various means.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that having a formal title is the most crucial factor for
success
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, I align with those who believe that a fulfilling life can be attained without necessarily relying on academic credentials. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives. On one hand, obtaining a
degree
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 from a university can significantly enhance a person’s prospects
in
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of
show examples
 securing a future career. It is undeniable that, in recent times, a university
degree
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 is often considered an essential requirement by employers. Many companies, particularly multinational corporations, startups, and international firms, seek employees who possess specific skills, and these qualifications are typically validated through an undergraduate certificate.
For example
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, Bank Mandiri recently advertised a finance staff position requiring a bachelor’s
degree
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 in finance, banking, or related fields.
This
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 serves as evidence that job seekers must meet the qualifications demanded by employers in order to secure employment.
On the other hand
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,
success
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 and the ability to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 one’s needs are not solely determined by holding a
degree
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. There are numerous other paths to achieve
success
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. Individuals who possess exceptional skills, whether soft or hard, can create their own businesses and bring innovative ideas to life. Take,
for example
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, Raffi Ahmad, a well-known public figure and one of the wealthiest individuals in Indonesia. Despite having only completed high school and not possessing any formal
degree
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, he successfully built multiple businesses, including food outlets and clothing stores, which have flourished.
This
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 example demonstrates that
success
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 is not solely guaranteed by a
degree
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 but can
also
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 be achieved through self-driven entrepreneurial efforts and innovation. In conclusion, I believe that
while
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 having a
degree
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 can be beneficial, it is not the only factor in securing a successful career. It is equally important to focus on developing one’s skills, staying motivated, and pursuing personal passions. These elements, in my opinion, play a crucial role in long-term
success
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 and personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer transition between paragraphs to enhance fluency.
task achievement
You might want to expand the conclusion slightly to reinforce your stance and summarize both viewpoints more distinctly.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views without bias, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the case of Raffi Ahmad, adds credibility and strength to your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benchmark
  • evolving landscape
  • credential
  • vocational training
  • entrepreneurship
  • digital literacy
  • autodidact
  • innovative approaches
  • skill set
  • networking
  • lifelong learning
  • meritocracy
  • practical experience
  • self-taught
  • upskilling
  • resilience
  • adaptive learning
  • critical thinking
  • soft skills
  • technological advancements
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