Some people believe that most crime is a result of circumstances, e.g. poverty and other social problems. Others, however, believe most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #circumstances #e #g #poverty #nature

In recent years, there is still a significant increase in the number of criminals in many countries, even if their national economy is growing.

Therefore

, people hold different views about the factors contributing to

crimes

. Some people believe that the soaring crime rates are related to circumstances, including poverty and other social problems. One main reason is that the majority of offenders are indeed poor,

due to

socially-disadvantaged

Correct your spelling

socially disadvantaged

show examples

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

or lack of the ability to make a living.

Consequently

, they are forced to steal or rob in the case where their desires,

such

as decent clothes or exquisite meals, cannot be fulfilled by their own money.

Besides

, young convicts may be influenced by violent scenes in

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

. Generally, the actors and their

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

may be cool from their perspective, so they

unconsciously

Add a missing verb

are unconsciously

show examples

and adversely affected and even begin to imitate the actions in their real life, which are more prone to damage others and even break laws.

However

, the fact that some governors with power

Add the comma(s)

, as well as intelligence and managers with wealth,

show examples

as well as

intelligence and managers with wealth

also

violate laws denies the view above.

Hence

, some individuals think that genes dictate whether one

commit

Correct subject-verb agreement

commits

show examples

crimes

or not. In their view, the reason why the wealthy or

cleaver

Correct your spelling

clever

show examples

commit

crimes

is that they are bad naturally. That means it is the traits that they inherited from

parents

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

that decide their cruel

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

However

, if

this

were true, we could predict a person’s personality or character from the moment they are born. In my view, it is the interaction of nature and nurture that shapes a person’s value and

Fix the agreement mistake

influences

show examples

influence

Fix the agreement mistake

influences

show examples

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

one person will commit

crimes

or not.

Submitted by wanghongyu1 on Mon Apr 15 2024

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Task Response

To enhance task response, consider adding more varied and detailed examples to support your viewpoints. This could deepen the analysis and make your arguments more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking devices and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.

Task Achievement

You've done an excellent job discussing both views on the causes of crime, as well as providing your own opinion, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is commendable. You introduced the topic, discussed both sides, and concluded with your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that most crime is a result of circumstances, e.g. poverty and other social problems. Others, however, believe most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

In many countries, plastic containers have become more popular than ever. They are used in many businesses such as the food and drink industry. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that nowadays having many choices can bring more advantages rather than disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.