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Band 6.5

Many people judge success solely by money and material possessions. However, success can be achieved or measured in other ways. What are your opinions on this topic?

#people #judge #success #money #possessions #topic
Many
people
 opine that the definition of successful
people
 is the
people
 who have plenty of money and own everything they want, but others have different opinions on it. For me, it is hard to tell what is success, because
people
 may have good achievements in their fields, but they may fail in other things. I will elaborate my point of view in the following paragraphs. To start with, I think
people
 may be outstanding in their careers, but when it comes to the family, they may have bad relationships.
As a result
, what makes
people
 successful? It is controversial.
For example
, my ex-supervisor, Peiling, who was a district attorney was our vice president. She is
also
 an assistant professor at a university. She won the best civil servant award. She has so many achievements. The president of Taiwan likes her very much,
due to
 her remarkable performances. She completed her goals when she was 30 somethings.
However
, she is not good at handling relationships. My co-workers hate her very much. We can not stand her temper.
People
 resign from their jobs very frequently. No one can work for a long time. When she was a DA, she faced many difficulties. Gangsters would like to hire killers to murder her. She found some schemes when she was working as a teacher in a school. She is struggling in her job. Is she a great woman? Yes, and no. In some things, she is a loser. In a nutshell, like the story I told above,
people
 can be a loser and a winner at the same time. It is weird, but it is true. So what is the meaning of being successful? I believe everyone has their own dictionary.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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sentence structure
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing.
grammar
Pay attention to the consistency of tense throughout your essay to maintain clarity.
conclusion
Try to include a succinct conclusion that summarizes your ideas more clearly to make a stronger impact.
specific examples
You provide relevant and specific examples that clearly support your arguments, which greatly enhances your task achievement score.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, making it easy to follow your points.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion exist and frame the essay, but working on the strength of your conclusion could make your argument more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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