IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Please elaborate on your current physical and mental health, including any dental or oral treatment, medical interventions, and mental health therapy or counseling

#health #treatment #interventions #therapy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I am lucky enough to have grown up in a family prioritising
health
 over anything. My mother taught me about oral hygiene awareness from an early age. Because of that, I never had severe dental issues in my life. She
also
 likes to ensure we have enough fruit and vitamin stocks at home.
Nonetheless
, my father is conscious of the importance of physical activity and always reminds me to exercise regularly in order to maintain my physical condition. In our leisure time, my family likes to train together.
However
, in my early years of medical school, I could not exercise regularly
due to
 the strict academic timetable. Unfortunately, I caught a gastrointestinal infection right in the week of my clinical skills assessment, which is essential for my grade. The doctor’s examination shows I am severely dehydrated and need an intravenous infusion. That was my first time getting an infusion since I have never been hospitalised except in my newborn phase. Eventually, I realised that no matter how busy I am, I must eat nourishing food and not have a sedentary lifestyle. I understand that it contributes to a more peaceful mind and protects against disease. Now, I am in a good physical
health
 condition. I do exercise regularly and always pay attention to the food I eat. I do not have any chronic illness, nor do I need a daily drug. As for my mental
health
, I never had any problems related to mental and psychological aspects.
However
, I understand the importance of a supportive surrounding environment, including friends and family, to keep my mental
health
 stable.
Therefore
, I always manage to stay in touch with my relatives, even only through a phone call.
In addition
, I manage my stress level with a coping mechanism. When things get complicated, and I feel down, I often take a break for myself and do my hobbies,
such
 as yoga and listening to music. After that, I snap back stronger and ready to continue my daily activity.
Submitted by farrandyerza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To further improve your task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in detail. While you've mentioned several aspects of your physical and mental health, integrating more specific examples of how these strategies have impacted your daily life and well-being could enhance the completeness of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure and your ideas flow well, but to achieve even better coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly. This will help to make your essay even more cohesive and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Including a more defined introduction and conclusion can improve the clarity of your essay. Start with a brief overview of the main points you plan to discuss, and conclude by summarizing how these aspects contribute to your overall health and well-being, reinforcing the key message of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: