IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

our local newspaper is offering an award for people who have helped the community. Write a letter to the newspaper editor. In your letter suggest someone you think should receive the award describe what the person does to help the community suggest an award that would be appropriate for this person You should write at least 150 words.

#newspaper #award #people #community #editor #someone #person
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Dear Sir/Madam, First of all, thank you to your newspaper company for
this
 generous award which you have been giving to the most helpful
community
. I would like you to suggest a name who is an ideal candidate for
this
 award
that is
 Mr. Rohit Sir. He is a teacher in our local
community
 school. He helped young children who
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
show examples
 pursue education
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 lack of funds or any other unseen reasons. He runs a small primary school in the
community
 park near the agricultural building. His goal is to educate poor and helpless families children so that they can dream about a secure future. In my opinion, he will be best suited for the academic award for the local
community
 as he is always ready to help his students in any situation. Your's faithful, Rishab Sharma.
Submitted by gurpreetkaler18 on

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task achievement
To further enhance your letter, consider providing more detailed examples of Mr. Rohit's work and its impact on the community. This will strengthen your argument for why he deserves the award.
task achievement
A slight expansion on the types of struggles these families face and how Mr. Rohit's efforts make a significant difference could provide a clearer picture.
coherence cohesion
For a more cohesive structure, consider linking your paragraphs with transitional phrases that guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
The clarity of the suggestion for the award and the nominee is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The letter includes a logical progression from introduction to suggesting a candidate, describing their contributions, and finally recommending an award type.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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