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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, many individuals use their personal
information
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 as an exchange to log in to online platforms developed by software companies. I am of the opinion that despite the risk of identity theft, the benefits of creating a secure online environment far surpass the drawbacks. Regarding
to
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apply
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drawbacks, an obvious disadvantage of using personal
information
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 to access applications is that there is a risk of a user having their identity stolen.
This
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 is because highly skilled criminals can hack into computer servers and obtain customers’
information
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 and bank account details. Once
this
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 has happened, hackers can make online transactions that would lead to a financial loss.
For example
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, in 1995, Suzhou Bank lost several hundred clients’
information
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, which resulted in some customers losing money.
Although
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this
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 has a significant negative impact on society, I feel that these instances are rare and,
therefore
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, should not dictate our actions. The primary advantage,
however
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, is that it helps to form a safe online environment.
This
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 results in that by submitting personal data to software companies, people will be aware that they can be identified and located by police officers easily. In
this
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 way, the number of online crimes decreases significantly. Evidence of
this
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 can be seen in China, after the government implemented the online accounts regulation, which required using an identity number to create a new personal account, resulting in an obvious downward tendency of domestic Internet criminals.
Consequently
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, sharing data with software companies not only creates a secure online atmosphere but
also
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 allows authorities to identify criminals,
as well as
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 stops potential online crimes. In conclusion, after considering the pros and the cons, I feel that it is evident that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Although
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 drawbacks do exist, which can cause potential risks, they are rare to happen. At the same time, it is mostly a beneficial situation as it develops a more secure online environment for the public.

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argument clarity
You've provided a clear opinion and supported your arguments well.
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