Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, many individuals use their personal
information
as an exchange to log in to online platforms developed by software companies. I am of the opinion that despite the risk of identity theft, the benefits of creating a secure online environment far surpass the drawbacks. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
drawbacks, an obvious disadvantage of using personal
information
to access applications is that there is a risk of a user having their identity stolen.
This
is because highly skilled criminals can hack into computer servers and obtain customers’
information
and bank account details. Once
this
has happened, hackers can make online transactions that would lead to a financial loss.
For example
, in 1995, Suzhou Bank lost several hundred clients’
information
, which resulted in some customers losing money.
Although
this
has a significant negative impact on society, I feel that these instances are rare and,
therefore
, should not dictate our actions. The primary advantage,
however
, is that it helps to form a safe online environment.
This
results in that by submitting personal data to software companies, people will be aware that they can be identified and located by police officers easily. In
this
way, the number of online crimes decreases significantly. Evidence of
this
can be seen in China, after the government implemented the online accounts regulation, which required using an identity number to create a new personal account, resulting in an obvious downward tendency of domestic Internet criminals.
Consequently
, sharing data with software companies not only creates a secure online atmosphere but
also
allows authorities to identify criminals,
as well as
stops potential online crimes. In conclusion, after considering the pros and the cons, I feel that it is evident that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Although
drawbacks do exist, which can cause potential risks, they are rare to happen. At the same time, it is mostly a beneficial situation as it develops a more secure online environment for the public.
Submitted by careyche on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

sentence structure
Be sure to offer a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate lexical resource and grammatical range.
example depth
Consider expanding your examples with more depth to further strengthen your arguments.
paragraph development
Make sure all paragraphs are fully developed with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Some areas lacked thorough explanation or could benefit from additional support.
argument clarity
You've provided a clear opinion and supported your arguments well.
essay structure
You've structured your essay in a way that is easy to follow, with a logical flow between points.
strong introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: