IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
children
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 spend hours every day on their
smartphones
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. Why is
this
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 the case? Do you think
this
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 is a positive or a negative development? In recent years, the excessive use of
smartphones
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 by
children
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 has become a common issue. Many
children
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 spend hours daily on their phones, often to the detriment of their health and development. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development, and
parents
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 should regulate the amount of time their
children
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 spend on
smartphones
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 trend and its negative effects. One major reason for
this
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 phenomenon is the lack of parental supervision. Many
parents
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 are busy with their jobs and personal activities, leaving
children
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 with unsupervised access to electronic devices.
For instance
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, in families where both
parents
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 work full-time,
children
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 often turn to
smartphones
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 for entertainment or companionship.
This
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 lack of guidance leads
children
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 to spend excessive hours on their devices without considering the consequences. Another reason is the addictive nature of
smartphones
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. Apps, video games, and social media platforms are designed to capture users’ attention for extended periods.
While
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 these activities may seem enjoyable, they can harm
children
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’s physical and mental well-being.
For example
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, prolonged screen time can lead to poor eyesight, reduced focus, and even sleep disturbances.
According to
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 a 2022 study by a U.S. university, 60% of
children
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 struggle with social interactions
due to
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 excessive smartphone use. In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 offer certain benefits, their overuse by
children
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 has significant negative impacts.
Parents
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 should actively monitor their
children
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’s screen time and encourage them to engage in alternative activities
such
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 as reading, sports, and creative hobbies. By doing so,
children
Use synonyms
 can develop healthier habits and achieve a balanced lifestyle

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay, consider integrating more varied transitional phrases and linking words to further improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Introduce more counterarguments or balance the argument by considering potential positive aspects of smartphone use, then refute them if necessary.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by providing reasons for why children spend prolonged hours on smartphones and analyzing the negative impact of this trend.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow and understand.
Task Achievement
The use of a specific example from a study adds credibility and strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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