IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more of these natural resources. To what extent do you agree?

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With the development of industrialization, the demand for oil and gas has been increasing.
As a result
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, many people argue that undiscovered
areas
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 of the world should be exploited to obtain more
resources
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,
while
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 others believe that obtaining
resources
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 from unknown
areas
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 can have unpredictable consequences. I disagree with the idea of gaining more natural
resources
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 in pristine
areas
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. On the one hand, raw
areas
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 being opened may cause environmental damage. Pristine
areas
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 may contain some substances that have never been discovered, which may lead to unpredictable consequences
such
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 as ecological environment damage, and biological habitat destruction.
For instance
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, research discovered that ancient viruses have been buried deep in glaciers, and scientists studied two glacier cores and found that 28 unknown virus groups were buried in them
last
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 year.
As a result
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, if undiscovered
areas
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 of the world are exploited, the environment may face a perilous situation.
On the other hand
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, developing new
areas
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 to obtain natural
resources
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 may lead to environmental pollution. Generally, developing
areas
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 require enough space, so people will clear land and forests are cut down, which leads to serious undermining of the ecosystem.
For example
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,
according to
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 relevant reports from the United Nations, desertification of 70% of land is closely related to over-exploitation.
Moreover
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, developed
areas
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 may cause excessive water use and water pollution, which results in decreasing water quality and the destruction of aquatic life zones.
Consequently
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, the impact of developing an area is more harmful than beneficial. In conclusion, I disagree with the development of pristine
areas
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 in search of fossil fuels, as the development of undiscovered
areas
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 may cause serious deprivation that cannot be predicted or remedied.

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Coherence Cohesion
To enhance your essay, try varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills. While your sentences are well-formed, greater variety could further engage your reader.
Coherence Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the overall flow and readability of your text.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider discussing potential benefits of natural resource exploration in undiscovered areas and then refuting these points, to provide a more balanced perspective before concluding your own stance. This approach can add depth to your essay and demonstrate critical thinking.
Coherence Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your position, effectively framing the essay and providing a coherent structure.
Task Achievement
You've supported your main points with detailed examples and explanations, which strengthens your argument and provides a clear line of reasoning throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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