IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Packaged
products
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 can be seen everywhere in our lives. Some
people
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 believe that producers should use less packaging in their
products
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. At the same time, others feel it is
people
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’s duty to purchase
products
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 with less packaging. Personally, I think
people
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 are the main group to take the
responsibility
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 to control the
amount
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 of packaging in
products
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. There are some strong arguments to support the idea that the
responsibility
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 of reducing the
amount
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 of packaging relies only on the manufacturers.
Firstly
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, producers have complete knowledge of their
products
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 and are fully aware of the
amount
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 of packaging.
Therefore
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, they should be conscious of how much material they use in the packaging process.
For instance
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, producers can focus on the quality of their packaging material, rather than on the quantity. In
this
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 way, with the financial power that manufacturers have, they can produce more eco-friendly materials and packages.
As a result
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, the
responsibility
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 relies heavily on the manufacturers to control the
amount
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 of packaging for their
products
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that
people
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 have the
responsibility
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 to reduce buying
products
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 with a lot of packaging. Consumers play a crucial role in marketing, which means they have the power to influence market trends through their purchasing decisions.
For example
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, individuals usually choose reusable material and
the
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apply
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environmentally friendly
products
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, which sends a message to businesses about their preference for sustainable packaging.
As a result
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, consumers actively participate in reducing packaging waste and encouraging companies to adopt a more eco-friendly packaging habit. In conclusion, the dilemma of the
responsibility
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 of packaging is a much-heated controversy. Some believe that it is solely the manufacturers’
responsibility
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 to control their packaging, others
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however
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, however
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, put the burden on
people
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’s shoulders. In my personal view, both parties should collaborate to mitigate the negative effects of excessive packaging.

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introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the views discussed and your stance. Although your introduction does this, making your thesis statement more prominent could enhance clarity.
body paragraph
Develop your paragraphs further with specific examples or data. While you have mentioned examples such as the choice of reusable material by consumers, more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
content balance
Try to maintain a balance in discussing both views before stating your opinion. You've managed this well, but emphasising the merits and demerits of each view equally could make your argumentation even stronger.
structure
You've structured your essay logically, presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.
balanced argument
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before arriving at your conclusion, which reflects good understanding and analysis of the topic.
cohesion
You've successfully used connectors and transitions to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay, making your argument easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive packaging
  • plastic waste
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable production
  • consumption
  • eco-friendly lifestyle
  • raise awareness
  • informed choices
  • personal carbon footprint
  • prioritize environmental sustainability
  • reduce packaging waste
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